“That night, you knew you wouldn’t make it out alive. Every emotion showed on your face. I watched them all. You didn’t beg for mercy; you begged forthem.Most would have given up, sinking to the sand to let death take them, but not you.” His voice is raspy, and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end as I remember grieving my lost future.
“You watched the gates roll up, and you got to work. Your best chance was in the air, and you fought to get there, giving it everything you had and more. You were going to fall. It was my fault. The shame—I could scarcely draw breath. I needed to look away, but I owed you more than that, and I knew it. So, I watched.
“Then the lights went out and the coup began. Everything I’d worked for was crashing around me, and all I could think wasfinally. I ran. Faster than I’d ever run before, but it wasn’t fast enough. I knew I would be too late, but part of me believed that if I could save you, maybe I could be saved, too. And if I died trying, at least it would have been over.”
I grip the steering wheel, my wings desperate for release. Braced on the edge of the driver’s seat, I wait for him to continue, but this time, he’s unable to break the silence.
I break it for him. “What would have been over, Riven?”
“The emptiness,” he whispers. “Your presence is undeniable. It has weight. But I’m only a husk, ashuck, hated, rightfully so, and cursed to mimic people who really live. I can match every freckle and copy every mannerism, but I can never be, not even for a second. Without a face of my own, I am nothing. And you—” He waves his hand at me, his voice cracking. “You’re painfully alive, and it makes theabsence of myself hurt worse.”
“That’s bullshit,” I snap. “You know that, right?”
Riven looks at me. A warped line starts at his hairline and disappears under his shirt.
“Your face isn’t you; it’s just a fucking face. You’re the only one who gets to decide who Riven is, and it’s a choice you get to make every day.”
He doesn’t respond, and I swallow around the lump in my throat, ignoring the burn behind my eyes. “That night, when you saved me, you showed me who you were for the first time. That Riven was someone worth knowing, and no one—not even you—will convince me otherwise.”
Silence descends on the car again, and this time, neither of us breaks it.
TWENTY-THREE
Excerpt from the Veydran Code of Conduct:
Morality is a construct, as fabricated
as the skin you wear.
RIVEN
I can’t catch my breath when she’s around.
She’s so sure. All the time, even when she’s not, she makes decisions and follows through with them.
Last night in the bathroom she was struggling. I saw it because she didn’t bother to hide it. Then she made a choice. It can’t be that simple. I can’t decide who I want to be and make it true, can I? Celine can. She has an iron will, but I’m not so sure about myself.
I’m a veydra: born to lie and trained to kill.
My thoughts consume me, accompanied by the whir of tires on pavement and the subtle hum of the engine. A tree-shaped piece of cardboard hangs from the rearview mirror, and I watch it swing, letting the rhythmic motion soothe me. Only when thetelltale swirl of nausea swamps my stomach do I focus on the horizon.
Celine stops for food, then we keep going.
It’s mid-afternoon, and the gateway coordinates are close. We should be able to investigate before dark. Although, I’m confident the two of us could poke around anywhere in this realm, night or day, and come out on top no matter what we encountered.
The tires hit gravel as Celine pulls over and faces me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I bit your head off earlier, and while I stand by what I said, there’s something I left out.”
I cock my head. “Don’t hold back on my account, darling.”
“Oh, hush,” she says. “If you’re snarky, I won’t tell you.”
“No snark. I promise.”
“It’s not a big deal, it’s just... All those things you said about me; I like how you see me. It makes me feel good. Strong. As if I grew up to be the person I dreamed of becoming, despite everything.”
Warmth rolls through my stomach. I made her feel good, and all I did was tell the truth.
Unsure how to respond and afraid to ruin the moment, I dip my chin and smile.
