I clear my throat. “I am,” I mutter. “Careful, that is.”
“Not careful enough. Elodius made a move against S’lach today. Hisveryvocal opposition swung six votes, and the tax increase on the lower echelons barely passed.”
My heart skips a beat. “This is a good thing, Lyklan, or are you forgetting the entire reason I’m cooperating to begin with?”
“You’re too bold.” He squats in front of me, his blue eyes wide. “It was too soon to misdirect him. He’s furious. Gods, I fear what he’ll do to you when he returns from thethatshasummit.”
“He hasn’t returned yet?”
Lyklan shakes his head. “Tomorrow. His rage will have an extra day to fester.”
I don’t fear S’lach’s torment, only failing my mission, but if my body and mind are too broken to finish what I started, I won’t be the only one to suffer.
“He could kill me.”
“He could kill you,” Lyklan repeats.
I’m not ready to die. Celine deserves the truth first.
When I decided to lie to her, my only priority was her safety, but now I’ve had time to think. I don’t want her to go the rest of her life believing she was imagining things.
My love for her was real. If I can’t have her in this life, maybe I can ensure she doesn’t hate me in the next.
“ . . . you aren’t taking this seriously!”
I blink as Lyklan’s voice breaks through my thoughts. I hadn’t intended to tune him out, but I’ve become so used to my own company I didn’t realize it was happening. “There’s something I need from you,” I interrupt his lecture.
Lyklan blinks, his shoulders creeping higher. He’s going to say no. I can already tell. He might put himself at risk for me, but his family comes first, and I can’t even fault him for that.
“What do you need?” His voice is strained in a way I’ve rarely heard. This mission isn’t only taking a toll on me.
“My journal,” I murmur. “I hid it before traveling to the Fringes?—”
“I know,” he interrupts me. “I removed it from your lodging in case S’lach had it searched. I’ve kept it safe for you.”
“You knew of my journal?”
“Of course. I also know it’s blank.”
“Not for long,” I sigh. “Bringit to me, and tomorrow, before S’lach returns, come and get it. I need you to deliver it to her if the worst happens.”
“You believe she’ll come for you?” His blue eyes sharpen. “Why did you demand I lock her out?”
“To protect her,” I hiss. “I hope she never finds a way to return.”
“Then why contact her at all?” Lyklan frowns, and his wings rustle with agitation.
“Since when do I need to explain my correspondence to you?” I hold his furious stare with one of my own.
“Your love for her,” he says. “It’s blind, Malach. You’ve dedicated your life to Celine, and now you fight her battles on your own. I can only hope you don’t die the same way.”
He leaves my room, only returning to drop off my journal and something to write with.
Then I’m alone again in the white room with walls that close in more by the minute. Since Celine knows I’m involved with her father now, the full power of his silence rune is gone. I should be able to tell her what happened.
I can do this. I can give her this closure, even if it hurts.
Fingers clenched, I write.Each sentence is a contest between my will and S’lach’s. My hand trembles, the ink runs, and my brain is attacked from all sides. But I fight it, pushing past the pain and rewording things until I can get them on the page.
