Riven is quiet. It doesn’t feel as if he’s lost in his own thoughts, though; it’s more like he’s trying to tap into mine. He’s not staring at me, but his attention is noticeable.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, not bothering to mask my irritation.
He doesn’t respond, peering instead through the trees like he expects a monster to step out and gobble him up. I keep walking. We’re near the dirt road, staying close enough to it to orient ourselves, but not close enough to be seen.
I take the opportunity to do some mental math.
We’re moving at a brisk pace, but the town is at least ten miles away. Even if we find a vehicle quickly, we won’t make it to the portal location until the middle of the night. I swallow my frustration. This plan is off the rails. I shouldn’t have brought Riven.
He’s not a nice guy. If I made a list, his bad column is going to be way longer than his good one. Whole pages longer. So why does the idea of never seeing him againmake me uncomfortable?
Because I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why. Stockholm syndrome? Sign me up.
“You’re angry at me,” Riven says.
My foot lands on a stick, and it snaps with a satisfying crack.
He chuckles, and I grind my teeth. “Why would I be angry at you, Riven?”
“Hmm, this feels like a trap.”
“You would know, wouldn’t you?” I mutter.
His eyes are fixed on me, but I focus on the uneven ground ahead. “Help me out, darling, are you looking for an apology or a fight?”
“Neither,” I snap. “I’m not looking for a damn thing fromyou.” It’s a lie, but I already knew that. The preparation helps me hide the instinctive flinch when my magic zaps me.
A band of static rolls down Riven’s face. I’m getting to him.
It’s satisfying.
“In that case, perhaps we can talk about what I’m looking for from you,” he says, his voice a low rumble.
My eyes narrow to slits even as my skin pebbles. He’s got a lot of nerve. I stop walking and face him, planting my hands on my hips. “I don’t give a shit what you?—”
He cuts me off with a snarl that makes my hair stand on end. “I look for you nowhere,” he says. “Yet, you’re always there, anyway. Every time I close my eyes, I see you. Fighting in the arena, barely surviving, because of me, because I put you there. And itsickensme. You faced every monster I threw at you with no fear or thought for yourself. You were fighting forthem. At the time I didn’t understand it, and now that I do, I cannot stand it.”
“You’re jealous?” I scoff. “That’s not my problem, Riven.”
“No, it’s mine, and I’m fully, painfully aware of it. Imagine being the architect of your own downfall. Can you picture it, darling? Capture the angel, break her spirit, and kill her. Simple orders for a simple job. It should have been easy, except the roles were reversed. You’re free now, Celine, but I never will be.”
His amber face ripples, and he turns away from me until the static stops. “And now,” he whispers. “Now that I know what it is to care for someone as you do for them, I must live with the most horrible of truths: my actions were unforgivable.”
I slam him against a tree. My hand finds his neck, and my wings catch fire. “Boo-hoo,” I hiss. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Everyone lives with the consequences of their actions, Riven. That’s life, no matter what realm you’re in.”
He frowns. “I never wanted?—”
“Morals? A conscience? Too fucking bad,” I snap. “Thosethings are your responsibility, too. I don’t want to be anyone’s ethical North Star.”
Riven’s eyes flash, but he makes no move to remove me from his space. Instead, he rests his head on the rough bark and swallows against my palm. “I don’t know this star,” he says. “But I’m your monster now. Knowing you could never want me is my punishment.”
A bird squawks in the distance. Wind whips through the trees, rustling the leaves, and my hair tickles my neck. I search Riven’s face. Lines bracket his mouth and eyes. Pain he doesn’t bother hiding as he shows me what lies beneath the amber exterior.
He’s hurting.He deserves to hurt.
I should be glad.Why can’t I be glad?
I love justice.But you can’t stomach cruelty.
