I glare witheringly at my phone. My sister’s evil grin broadens in response.
“I don’t mind meeting your family,” Barbie murmurs.
My mother, who’s selectively deaf and strangely never hears me when I tell her she cannot pick fruit from the neighbor’s yard multiple times, somehow manages to pick up Barbie’s barely audible whisper. “See?She doesn’t mind meeting us.I like her already.”
I fight my sigh as Barbie sidles over to me. “Hi there. Ethan has said such wonderful things about you both.”
Lara snorts. “That’s a fucking lie, but I’ll allow it.”
Somehow, between Mom’s string of incoherent squealing, she manages, “You two will make beautiful children.”
“Mom.” I pinch the bridge of my nose while Barbie presses her lips together, burying her laugh.
“She’s beautiful,” Mom continues.
“Yeah. You’re punching above your weight,” Lara stage-whispers. “Any chance she’s blind or?—”
“Actually, I think he’s really cute,” Barbie stage-whispers back.
“Okay, so she’s got no sense of taste,” Lara teases. “We all have our flaws.”
“I’m going to hang up on you two now,” I announce. “Goodbye forever?—”
“Wait. The thermostat?—”
“The bottom right button. Press it. Goodbye.” I end the video call before my family can do anything else to encourage my desire to move out of Oregon earlier than intended.
I barely look Barbie’s way when my phone begins buzzing again. This time, it’s just Mom calling me, which I answer after flashing Barbie an apologetic look.
“Ethan, I want to apologize.For what I said on Sunday. I thought you wanted space after how hard I was on you.”
“It’s okay, Mom.It was the wake-up call I needed.”
“Next time, will you at least tell your mother if you’re going to run off to California?—”
“I thought you liked my adventurous spirit.”
“My God, no. You were a menace. I could barely sleep when you were in college.Always running around. Nearly breaking your bones jumping everywhere?—”
A groan breaks free. “I did a perfectly safe cliff jumping once, and you bring it up every time you’re mad at me?—”
“Cliffs exist to be looked at, not jumped off of,” she argues. “I will get off the call now so you can spend time with your beautiful girlfriend.” She pauses for a significant beat. “I’m glad you’re not hiding her from me anymore.”
I muster a sigh. “We only started dating.” I reflexively pull my ear away from my phone before she launches into a high-pitched squeal.
“It all has to start somewhere,” she says finally. “Enjoy your time with her.”
“I will. I’ll see you when I get back.” I look skyward. “And press the bottom right button. It’ll turn the A/C on.I’ll send Aaron over if you need me to?—”
“Your sister and I have it handled.”
“Yeah,” I say roughly. “I know you do.”
After exchanging goodbyes, I turn to glance at Barbie. “Come on. Let’s finish this trail so we can pick up some donut holes for you.”
“Are you trying to win me over?” Her hands fly to her chest. “I don’t know, Ethan. Your farmer literally built an aquarium. The bar is set quite high.”
I huff out a chuckle. “How about I win you over with a scoop of pistachio ice cream?”
