“It’s not a vacation. I’m going to a conference for work.”
“Or so he says,” Lara chimes in English. “What if he’s abandoning us to spend time with his secret family?Work tripis often code forsecret family.”
“You have a girlfriend?” Mom’s eyes glitter with excitement. “You must bring her over when you come back from your vacation. I want to meet her.”
“I do not have a girlfriend,” I say, and she immediately clucks in disapproval. “And I do not have a secret family.”
Sighing heavily, Mom shakes her head. “I’m never going to have grandchildren.”
Lara presses her lips together, stifling her laughter with a cough. “How could you deprive her of dozens of grand-babies, Ethan?” she asks. “Do the right thing and?—”
“I’m not going to have kids—” I almost pinch the bridge of my nose when my mom lets out a theatrical gasp. “Right now. I don’t have the time for them?—”
“And yet you always have the time to go on the computer,” Mom chides.
“For work,” I say. “I work from home. It’s a thing many people do these days.”
“That’s what he wants you to believe,” Lara interjects with an evil smirk. “Every time I’m over at his apartment, he’s talking toBarbie. It’s always:listen to me, Barbie”—her voice drops to a gravelly register—“orI’m going to record this,orare you ready to begin?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Oh, Ethan,” Mom breathes, and she sets down her knitting needles. “If you’re that lonely, I know some very nice girls from church?—”
“Barbie is my coworker,” I say.Or a bot. I don’t think I’ll be able to explain to my mother what artificial intelligence is in the next ten minutes before my Uber arrives, though. “She’s the one who sent the fruit bouquet.”
Three sets of eyes land on the arrangement left on the kitchen counter, half-eaten and fully forgotten.
I still don’t understand why she sent it to us in the first place. Perhaps the company’s chatbot meant to send my mother a bouquet of flowers and accidentally ordered fruit instead. All I know is that she somehow found my address and had the edibledisplay delivered to my apartment with a card addressed to my mom.
“It’s so nice of your Internet girlfriend to send you some fruit,” Lara comments, and Mom lifts a brow.
“She’s not a sixty-year-old man from Florida, is she?” Mom carefully leans back in her seat. “You know, I saw Aimee at the hospital.”
My jaw goes tight as Lara makes a slicing motion by her throat.
“She broke up with the boy she was seeing.”
“Mom,”Lara hisses.
“She asked about you, which was very thoughtful of her,” Mom adds. “Out of all the girls you’ve dated, I always did like her the best.I still don’t know why you two broke up.”
“I think your Uber is here,” Lara says as she pushes up to her feet.
“You should give her a call,” Mom continues, and I shake my head. “Ethan?—”
“I have to go,” I say, and I can only look at my sister while I grab my duffel bag. “But I’ll be back on Sunday. Do not let Mom walk JoJo. You know how to reset the water heater if it shuts off again. If anything happens, Aaron’s number is on the fridge?—”
“I know,” Lara says with a blustery sigh. “Mom and I will be fine. The house won’t collapse in on itself because you’re gone. Go have fun withlet me fill you in, Barbie.”
She’s met with an immediate blank stare from me. “One, you’re taking things out of context. Two, I need you to return my spare keys?—”
“When you see her, can you ask her if the hats are real?” my sister asks. Catching sight of the confusion spreading across Mom’s face, she whispers, “His Internet girlfriend has this cat who wears hats.” She pauses. “They’re quite festive.”
There’s a heavy silence before Mom levels me with another look of concern. “Are you sure she’s not a sixty-year-old man from Florida?”
“I’ll find out and let you know,” is what I say, and I scrub the line of my jaw for a brief moment before I turn to face her. “Do not overexert yourself.”
“You worry too much.” She waves me off, and my brows pinch as I bite my tongue. I’d say I’m the only one here who’s worrying accordingly. Lara never takes anything seriously, and Mom downplays everything until it becomes a glaringly concerning issue.
