“Flight to Amsterdam?” the check-in attendant asked mechanically, her smile practiced but empty.
“Yes.” I handed over my passport, my fingers trembling slightly. Howell’s presence beside me was a pillar of strength I was about to leave behind.
I put my suitcases on the scale, and she labeled them, then gave me my boarding pass. “Have a safe trip,” she said, oblivious to the earthquake shifting the ground.
“Thank”—my voice wavered—“you.”
Howell’s hand found its way to the small of my back, a silent message of support that didn’t need words. His touch was a balm, but it was also a reminder of what I would miss—those strong hands that had guided me, held me, loved me without words.
“Hey.” I put a warm hand on his arm. “I’ll text you when I land, okay?”
“Okay,” Howell said, the corners of his mouth lifting in a brave attempt at a smile, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.
In that crowded airport, with the world rushing by, I felt like we were the only two souls—a small island of stillness in a sea of chaos.
“Take care of yourself,” he whispered.
“I will. You too, Howell.” Each word stabbed my heart.
The security checkpoint was ahead, a physical manifestation of our looming separation. I stole a glance at Howell, finding his deep brown eyes on me. We exchanged a silent conversation. A conversation of “I’ll miss you” and “This isn’t over” interspersed with desperation. Desperation neither of us wanted to voice.
We reached the point where only passengers were allowed to go. I turned to him fully, the world blurring around us until there was only Howell. His sturdy frame, which had shielded me from the perils of the wilderness. His kind eyes, which saw through my defenses. His strong calloused hands that had held me together when I thought I might break.
“Come here,” I said. Howell opened his arms and wrapped me in an embrace that felt like it could stop time. My tears came then, unbidden and hot against my cheeks. He held me tighter, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of something undeniably Howell.
“I’ll come visit,” he whispered, his lips moving softly over my scalp. “As soon as I can.”
“Make it soon,” I choked, clinging to him. “I’ll…I’ll come back too. For you. Always for you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” Though the word seemed too small for what I meant.
We kissed, our lips pressing firmly against each other in a kiss that spoke of endless longing and silent promises and whispered confessions. We pulled apart, only to crash back together, each kiss a punctuation mark in a sentence that had no end.
“Go,” Howell said, his voice ragged. “Before I do something stupid like kidnap you.”
“Wouldn’t be the worst thing.” I attempted levity but failed miserably as another wave of tears blurred my vision.
“Go, Onno,” he urged again, and this time, I forced myself to step back, to disentangle myself from his hold.
“Okay.” I nodded more to myself than to him. “Okay.”
With a final, lingering look, I turned and walked toward the security checkpoint. I didn’t dare turn back, knowing that one look would unravel me completely.
The tears streamed down my face as I took my place in line, my shoulders stooped, my chest heavy, my breaths labored. I felt like someone had died, and in a way, maybe they had.
“Onno!” The urgency in Howell’s voice sliced through the ambient noise, sharp and clear, commanding every ounce of my attention.
I spun around, breath hitched in my throat. There he was—Howell—pushing his way through the crowd with determination. His eyes locked onto mine, shining with pure love and raw vulnerability as bright as a beacon in the dark.
He reached me and, without regard for the curious eyes of strangers, sank to his knees on the polished floor of Sea-Tac Airport. The world stilled and the chatter fell away until there was only Howell, looking up at me like I was his True North.
“Marry me,” he said, his voice quivering. “I love you, Onno. I can’t let you go. I know it’s only been three weeks, but they were the best weeks of my life. I don’t want to be without you, sweetheart. I’ll do anything, everything, to make you happy for the rest of our lives.”
His words hit me with the force of a tidal wave, flooding me with shock and awe and indescribable warmth that seeped into the marrow of my bones.
Tears welled and spilled over. My throat tightened, but the words I’d never dared to say clamored for release. “Howell, I—” A sob choked off the rest, but I fought through it. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
