“‘Break my back like Soros broke the Bank of England—’”
“Feel free to use any of these on your next date,” Jackie tells Lili.
“It wasn’t a date,” Lili hastily corrects. “I don’t date. It’s just sex. Convenient and casual sex, that’s all.” And that’s what she’d convinced herself, in the days since the Met. That she can do this, keep fucking him and feel nothing. Stifle that curiosity, sharp and light and annoyingly tenacious, that kept growing in his study the morning after her birthday, in the empty galleries walking between art. Treat it—this overwhelming, mind-clearing sex—like exercise or eating kale, only concerning her body. That vulnerability that slipped under her skin like a knife, in the shower—that’s not part of it.
“It’s just sex,” she repeats.
Amina lifts an eyebrow.
“Does he know that?”
An hour later, she’s knocking on Kerr’s open door. “I’m sure that’s over your luggage weight limit,” she observes.
He looks up from the two books he’s evaluating. His usually immaculate office is a mess, books stacked haphazardly with a logic known only to him, a carry-on suitcase slapped open on his desk; it’s almost fully packed with books, half-worn Rhodia notepads, and cheap rollerball pens, likehe always does before leaving for summer break with his family. Since Lili last saw him, proctoring undergrad exams together a couple weeks ago, his black hair has been buzzed afresh; signs of summer, finished classes, what he does every year after letting his Afro grow out over the course of the semester. He smiles when he sees her.
“One cannot put a weight limit on knowledge,” Kerr says, pointing at her with one of the books he’s holding. “And this one is actually for you.”
“Huh.” She takes the thick volume, considering its title. “Growing Out of the Plan: Chinese Economic Reform.Am I getting recreational summer reading assignments now?”
“I’ve decided on the fall course topic,” he announces. Undergrads overenroll Kerr’s courses before the title and description even go public. “We’re doing Transition Economies—the shift from central planning to free markets, liberalization and privatization, institutional economics, rule of law, property rights in transition, opening up to globalization and foreign investment. Timely stuff, all around. We’ll stay focused on the usual cases—Russia, China, perhaps a few Eastern European examples—but I want it to be a contemporary, forward-looking course. Laser focused on how these histories shape present-day international relations, you understand? Here, take a look at the syllabus. I had a burst of sleep-deprived inspiration while I was begging my heathen toddlers to go to bed—do the readings; tell me what you think.”
Stress spikes. “Allthe readings?”
“Yes, I’m undecided on whether we’re leaning too heavily into Aslund or institutional economics to start at the moment, but the class needs that grounding.”
“Does this course have a prereq?” she frowns, flipping through the multiple pages of assigned reading. “This is... a lot for undergrads.”
He shrugs. “Just a macro- or microecon course. They’ll have you to guide them through, I’m not worried. You’re an old hat at TAing now, you could do this job in your sleep.” He snaps his fingers, remembering something. “That’s one of the topics I wanted to touch base on, before I left—my friend at UNHCR got back to me, they want to talk to you.”
“Regarding my war crimes?”
“Regarding your job prospects.”
She freezes. “Oh—oh, right.”
Kerr looks at her, sharp. “You said you were going to start thinking about this.”
“I know—I will.”
“You know I’d like you to consider graduating early, in December.”
“Can’t wait to get rid of me,” she jokes, weakly.
He makes an irritated noise. “You are a good student.”
“Wow, ‘a good student.’ Let me just throw myself into the East River then.”
“Lili, enough with the humor,” he snaps, firm. “Take the advantages you have. You have immense potential with your career, don’t waste it on something small. I want to see you set up well. I have friends in most industries, but you need to have a vision here—private sector, public sector? I know you’ve ruled out academia, I don’t blame you—it’s a rich kid’s game, nowadays. But I think it’s worthwhile considering the World Bank or IMF, especially to start your career. Or do you want to go private, perhaps sustainable investing? Or veer more into development work? You need to think about this. What you decide now matters.”
She swallows hard. “I suppose I was planning to finish my thesis first.”
“Yes, your thesis—” Kerr tugs out a printed copy from underneath a stack of books. “Have you had a chance to glance over the edits I sent you?”
“A little.” On the subway ride uptown, she’d frantically scanned the marked-up draft he’d emailed back, cold sweat gathering at the nape of her neck as she digested edits that were much more comprehensive than expected.
“It’s good work. Like I said, strong thinking, room to grow. Let’s say two or so to turn around the next draft?”
“Two months?”
