“That’s not why you don’t want to touch it,” he countered, his hand grasping my hair for a moment before continuing his perusal through its strands.
“No,” I murmured, agreeing with him.
“Why then?” He pressed his lips against my temple.
“Because of what it did to me my whole life.” I shuddered.
“So let’s say we use that money to pay for your school if you decide to go back, you gonna become your mother?” his tone was teasing, but I knew he was asking a serious question.
“No,” I shook my head.
“You gonna change the way you love Mad? The way you love me?”
“No,” I repeated, realizing his simple reasoning was actually getting through to me.
“It’s just money, babe. The danger or value is what you do with it; what you let it do to you.”
I looked up at him in the dim light taking in his words.
He gave me a small smile before continuing, “So I’m all right with you helping Jill. I owe the woman more than I can say for helping you when you had no one. But I want you to get to a place where you’re not afraid of it – the money I mean. If that’s the case, then it’s controlling you just as much as it always did.”
Holy hell, he was totally right. He knew me so well.
“You’re right,” I admitted, voicing my thoughts aloud. ”I don’t want that,” I shook my head.
“It’s the last of your trust,” his deep voice rumbled.
“What do you mean?”
“The money,” he shrugged, “you don’t trust it. You think it will change us. I want to see you let that shit go. Believe in our family, in what we have,” he growled.
“I do,” I answered fervently.
“Prove it,” he dared. “I don’t give a fuck what you do with it. Spend it on Jill, spend it on stupid shit, just don’t be afraid of it. Don’t think that something as fucking trivial as money could change us,” he demanded, his voice stronger now.
I had been afraid of that. I realized then that it couldn’t change us. Change me. The very fact he could voice my fears aloud, fears I hadn’t even fully articulated myself, therein lay the difference between what I’d known for most of my life and what we had. Axel understood me better than myself.
He wanted me to be free.
If it was possible, I loved him even more in that very moment.
“Nothing can change us,” I whispered, my lips finding that sweet spot on his collarbone. “Love you, babe,” I breathed, my lips moving higher to his gorgeous mouth.
He pulled me over his body, my legs straddling him as he gripped my upper thighs. “Prove it,” he dared with one of his rare ear-to-ear grins.
Chapter 22
Unsurprisingly, Axel didn’t go for the whole Jill watching Maddox idea, which is how I found myself holding our very cranky baby in the midst of a very rowdy celebration the following evening.
The club was packed inside with only a few braving the chilly evening to smoke out back. The music blared and drinks were flowing. Axel had been at the club for most of the day, but later collected us from home. I’d tried to tell him once before that maybe Mad and I should stay home but he’d been adamant that we be a part of the celebration, even for just a little while.
I’d passed my driver’s test and would have felt comfortable driving, but we hadn’t gotten around to picking out a car and Axel seemed to feel better that I not drive alone just yet, which I understood.
Well, most days anyway. This party at the club was a perfect example of where I just wanted to pop in, say hello and take my baby home to bed.
There were scantily clad women everywhere fawning over Ryker and the few remaining single men. I sat with Connie watching my brother-in-law soak up the limelight.
“He’s not having any fun,” Connie noted drolly.
