I’d moved Mad’s small crib into my room for the night so we could sit in the living room and talk. The very idea of that talk was giving me yet another stomachache.
“He’s so beautiful, Soph,” she smiled as she cradled my son in her arms.
“Thanks,” I grinned, my heart swelling with being able to share him with the people I loved.
“He and Gracie, and our little peanut, will all be so close in age,” she smiled fondly, rubbing her belly.
Tears filled my eyes as my heart twisted. My emotions warred with wanting my son to grow up around so many people who loved him and not being willing to put those I loved at risk.
“We’re gonna figure it out, Soph,” Kat soothed, observing my internal turmoil.
I bit my lip, hoping desperately she was right as I placed Mad in his crib.
Kat and I were getting situated on the couch when the guys returned, both looking unscathed, thank God.
Axel dipped into the fridge, pulling out three beers for Sal, himself and me. I wasn’t sure where they’d come from, but I took mine gratefully.
I saw him scan the room. “I put Maddox in my room,” I explained.
“You moved the crib by yourself?” He seemed affronted.
“It’s small,” I shrugged. I was so used to doing everything by myself it hadn’t even occurred to me to ask for his help.
“How have you done this by yourself?” Kat marveled, picking up on my line of thinking.
I shrugged, embarrassed at the attention as they looked to me. “I had some cash I’d taken out of my trust fund before it got cut off. That got me through until I could start working,” I explained softly.
“Your trust fund got cut off?” Sal demanded, looking angry and perplexed. “I don’t see how they could do that, Soph. Wasn’t that trust set up for you by Pop?” he asked, referring to our grandfather.
I nodded. “I don’t understand it either, but when Mom and Dad found out I was pregnant, they threatened to cut if off if I didn’t follow their orders.”
“Which were?” Sal pressed.
I looked over at Axel finding his expression grim as he waited for me to continue.
“They wanted me to get rid of ‘it’” as they said. They were horrified I’d sullied my ‘pristine’ reputation. They said no one would want me,” I murmured, looking down at my hands. “They already had me virtually married off to some senator’s son. I’d never even met him.” I laughed without humor. “So I took as much cash as I could from my fund and I was on the first bus to Hawthorne,” I explained.
“Fuck,” Axel clipped, his head in his hands. “How could you not have told me?”
“I needed to know where we stood first,” I explained quietly. “If I told you about the baby right away, I know you would have done the right thing. That might have included being with me and I didn’t want to always wonder if you were with me out of obligation. So I decided to wait.”
Out of everything I’d done, I knew that was the most selfish but I just couldn’t stand the thought that I’d always wonder if he really wanted me. I didn’t want my child to grow up with two parents in a loveless relationship. I’d grown up with it and I wouldn’t make my child do the same.
I sipped my drink and pushed on, ready to get it all out. “When it seemed like there wasn’t going to be anything between us, I knew I had to tell you. It was so hard. I kept wimping out.” I wrinkled my nose and pushed on despite Axel’s growl. “But I knew I’d start to show soon and every day I told myself it would be the day. I’m sorry. I waited too long.”
“You were planning to stay?” he asked, seeming surprised.
I nodded. “If you wanted to be in the baby’s life, I wanted him to have both parents, despite what our circumstances might be.”
“Why did you leave?” Axel demanded.
I rubbed my temple. “My parents were incensed that I’d left. That I’d run to Sal. I think they thought cutting off my trust fund would bring me straight home. They were horrified I’d let my child be raised by ‘low-lives.’ When nothing they’d said after a month was working to get me home, they turned to threats,” I whispered as every set of eyes in the room narrowed.
“The hang-ups?” Axel demanded. He’d been with me a few times when my father had tried to reach me.
“He only hung up when you answered. Every other time, he had plenty to say,” I assured him dryly.
I sighed, knowing I needed to continue but I was wrung out. In one sense, it was liberating to get it all out but it was exhausting at the same time.
