I find myself walking along the Broad Street Green, the snow leaving a dusting on the grass. Kind of a picture-perfect scene for Christmas Eve. The houses along the green are lit up in a variety of colors, some houses just with the classic wreath and candle in the windows, others with giant inflatables in the yard.
I’m kinda surprised by the inflatables. It doesn’t seem like something Old Wethersfield would allow. Michael had threatened to put inflatables in our backyard one year, and I told him he could deal with the neighbors when they complained.
He never did get his inflatable.
I spot Tuscany being walked across the street, so I give a quick wave to his people. Tuscany always was one of my favorite dogs of the neighborhood, and I kept treats at the store for when Tuscany and his dog siblings made an appearance.
I stroll along the green, heading towards Marsh Street. I pass through the gates of the cemetery and, without really thinking about it, find myself standing at Michael’s grave.
Michael Knoll
Beloved Friend and Community Member
I sit down in the snow and go into full breakdown mode. I had been in such shock when Michael died I never fully processed it when I was in Wethersfield. I had more so gone into a catatonic state.
And then I was in Dublin.
“Oh Michael.” I put my hand on his gravestone. “Michael…I miss you so much. I miss our banter, I miss working and living together, baking together. I miss arguing over which of our book recommendations were better, how passionate you were about Dr. Pepper. I would give anything to sit and binge the next season ofThe Big Baking Bonanzawith you, and hate the same contestant. Some cocky shit of a high schooler or the old one who thinks she knows everything.
“I also wish you were here to help me through the Niall issue. I felt so bad at first about us getting together, knowing how you felt about him. But one thing led to another, and we got together. And things were so, so good. We just clicked, you know? Compared to the trash I’ve dated in the past, especiallyAlex who I happened to run into the other day. Just as douchey as ever, that one. It kinda feels like I stole Niall from you, but I think even you would’ve supported anyone who was the opposite of Alex.
“With Niall…with Niall things were so different. He treated me so nice, helped me out so much in Dublin. Oh, and get this. Irene McAllister is his mother! How many times did we watchThe Light of the Houror readSilence in the Night? Let me tell you, she’s kinda disappointing in real life. It’s a whole thing but she pretty much forced Niall into parenting his nephew. Which is a whole other thing we…I guess now just you, didn’t know about. Niall has a sister and she’s a bit of a mess, and now Hughie lives with him.
“I just feel bad for Niall, you know? We don’t know if he even wanted to be a parent, but Hughie’s such a good kid that maybe it doesn’t make a difference. That kid’s the best. He would sit in my afternoon classes and would actually read the material, and would question the students’ thoughts and opinions on the books. The kid is ten and he’s literally crushing these college-aged students on materials that should be way outside his reading age.
“Can you imagine this, Michael? Me with a kid? Something I never thought I would experience or even want. But Hughie and I spent almost more time together than Niall and I. And I loved those moments. All of them. And now that I’ve gone and fucked things with Niall, I’m scared to think I lost not only Niall, but Hughie too.
“But I think, what I regret the most, is not telling Niall I love him. The weight of I love you, and not being able to tell him. It feels like it’s crushing me. Sometimes I can’t breathe.”
I blink away tears, leaning my head on the edge of the headstone.
“Is that true?”
My heart plummets in my chest. It can’t be.
I open my eyes to find Niall standing in front of Michael’s grave. His eyes are watery, as he looks from me to Michael’s headstone, back to me.
“How much did you hear?”
“A good portion I believe. At least the important parts.” He gestures to the empty spot on the ground, and I nod. He takes a seat next to me.
“What are you doing here?”
He reaches for my hand and I place mine in his. “I’m not sure how to appropriately go about this. But Danny…Danny I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to describe how guilty I felt about my overreaction to what happened with Hughie. Hughie is a good, smart kid. I should have known he was fine, but with everything with Nora I think I’ve been a right mess. Frazzled a bit. But he’s been all out of sorts since that day. That he ruined everything with Uncle Danny.”
I choke a bit. “Did you say Uncle Danny?”
Niall laughs, wiping a tear from his eye. “Yes, bit of pressure he’s put on us don’t you think? I do think he believes we were co-parenting him, which I shouldn’t have let it get to that point. But I think he’s what got through to me, broke through the haze of my overreaction and knew I needed to fix things. But you had already left to come home to the States. Hughie told me that we were going, that the three of us were going to have our movie moment. Little shite doesn’t seem to grasp the cost of holiday airfare.”
“We? Where’s Hughie?”
“Oh, right. He’s with your mom and the rest of the gang. I, erm…may have told her we were coming last night but not to tell you.”
That sneaky bitch. “Well, you should be happy to know she didn’t reveal your grand plan.”
“Hey Danny?” I look at him, just as he leans his head on my shoulder. “I love you too, yeah? I was worried it was too early to say it before. But, erm…after what you said when you didn’t know I was here, I’ve sort of put together you feel the same. Yeah?”
Niall leans in to kiss me, his hand reaching inside my jacket just as I’m pulling away. “Hey, umm, yeah. I do want to do this and all, but maybe not on top of my best friend’s grave.”
