“This’ll be quick.” Niall takes a deep breath. “What happened yesterday was a shitshow Danny. An utter shitshow of epic proportions.”
“I know, and—”
“Let me finish. Hughie…that kid has been through a lot in his life. A lot of instability, a lot of horrid characters entering and exiting his life. A lot of shit to be honest. I’m supposed to be his rock, ya know? And, maybe I got ahead of myself and lost sight of that. Maybe I put too much faith in you to give Hughie that same level of dependency.”
“How can you even say that Niall? I love that kid. I spend more waking hours with him than you do and I don’t mind one bit. He—”
“Then why was that guy there? Hmm? That was the guy from Doom Slice, right? The night this whole thing started? Have you been kind of dipping in both pots, having your cake and—”
“Are you fucking serious right now! What would even make you think that?”
Niall leans against the doorframe. “What I see Danny? I see you hanging out with him while my nephew’s gone missing. That you were distracted by this handsome fellow who you would have likely hooked up with if not for me. And you just so happened to run into him in the middle of the afternoon at the Christmas market.”
I roll my eyes. “Right. I’m going to meet up with my other lover with your ten-year-old nephew as my wingman. Honestly, Niall. I know I fucked up but the fact that you can even believe this delusion is absurd.”
We stand there in silence for a few moments, looking anywhere but at each other. Niall finally looks at his watch. “I just think that we all need a little space right now. Hughie needs some normalcy and I don’t think you coming around right now will be of any help.”
“So. What are you going to tell him?”
Niall looks up. “Tell who what?”
“What are you going to tell Hughie when he asks where I am? Are you going to blame this absence on me, that I walked away?”
Niall sighs. “I’ll just tell him we are both busy with the holidays and end of the semester.”
I nod. “Got it. And what does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know Danny. I just…I need some time to think.”
I can feel the tears about to break at any moment, and I need to end this conversation now. “Got it. Well, have a merry Christmas or whatever if I don’t see you.”
Before he can respond, whether he would or not, I close the door and start to cry.
36
The morning of the YA Lit final exam I text the student group chat asking if someone can go to the bookstore and grab all the notes from the Michael book board. When I arrive to the classroom fifteen minutes early, the whole class is waiting for me.
“You know you’re all super early for class.”
Noah comes up and gives me a real hug, not some bro hug. “We just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”
I start to cry, which has been the norm lately, which causes Lily to run up with a handful of tissues.
“He’s still not talking to you?” Samuel asks.
It’s been a week since Niall came to the apartment, and there’s been radio silence since. Despite wanting to bump into him and Hughie, I made it a point to avoid all the usual haunts. I don’t go anywhere in Temple Bar, I go to an inferior Tesco further away from my apartment, and I don’t dare go to either of the donut shops or Doom Slice.
Essentially, I’ve just gone back and forth from home to work. Wallowed in my apartment, watching a lot of bad television and even worse Christmas movies. It’s the worst I’ve felt in months, and I’ve blown off my past couple of therapy sessions because I don’t want Dr. Chandler to see me spiraling. That maybe, deep down, I know she was right about jumping into things with Niall too quickly.
That maybe the whole Hughie incident was almost a repeat of what happened with Michael, swapping Colin with Jackson.
“No.”
“I saw Hughie at the book pub,” Samuel says. He hands me a folded-up piece of paper. “He slipped this to me before I left with the book papers.”
I unfold the paper and it’s a drawing of Niall, him, and I, eating pizza and donuts. There’s a note on the bottom:
Sorry about what happened. I miss you Danny. I hope you aren’t mad at me. ~Hughie
