It appeared to be a screenshot of messages between Valor and Damacio. When I read the contents, I grew sick to my stomach. Valor was sexting him and sending videos of herself playing with her pussy. At first, he seemed interested, but later in the conversation, he asked her about me. I was confused, but I kept reading. Throughout the conversation, he kept telling her how much he liked me and wanted to get to know me. That was when Valor started throwing salt on my name.
She told him that I only wanted him for clout and that I planned to take videos and pictures of us so I could sell them to the blogs. According to her, I was a hoe in our city, and I participated in threesomes and gangbangs all in exchange for money or designer bags. I gasped in horror as my best friend lied and plotted my assault with the man I was interested in. Even down to the drugs, she told him all he needed to do was get me lit, and he could do whatever he wanted.
I shook my head as I read through all of the messages. Disbelief and disgust were some of the best ways to describe my current state of mind. I didn’t understand what I could have possibly done to make her hate me the way she did.
“Bitch!” I lunged at her, almost knocking her over in her chair. I punched her wherever my hits landed, thinking about everything I lost because of her selfish actions. Logic grabbed me by the waist, but I fought with everything inside of me to break free. I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of it. She was like a sister to me, and the whole time, she secretly wanted my life. That alone made no sense to me because I had been through nothing but pure hell for most of my life.
“Fuck you, bitch! I’m still upset with Summyah for interfering. You deserved everything you got and then some.” Valor laughed with blood leaking down her face.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I wasn’t about to shed a single tear because of that bitch. It was clear she wanted to get under my skin, and I had already given her enough power over me.
“You are a sick bitch.”
“Oh well. At least, I’m not a weak one. I heard you took your ass down to the clinic and had them suck that bastard ass baby out of you. It probably wasn’t East’s anyway. You have everyone else fooled, but not me,” Valor spat.
I could feel the heat from East’s glare, and I felt even shittier than I did before.
“Naw, Lola B. Tell me you ain’t do no foul shit like that. Ain’t no way,” East pleaded, and the only thing I could do was drop my head in shame. There were no excuses I could give that would rectify the situation. East got on me constantly about reacting off emotions, but I had never fucked up so badly.
“I’m s-sorry. I-I was angry, and I thought you fucked my best friend, so I wanted to hurt you back. I regretted it as soon as it happened, but I was so emotional. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”I attempted to explain myself, but the guilt in my heart was ripping me to shreds.
“Naw, don’t apologize now. Stand on what you did. It’s all good, love.” His tone was calm, but I could tell he was hurt. East was excited the moment we found out about the baby, and I had taken it away from him.
“Essex—”
“It’s East to you. You can save those fake-ass tears because I don’t care. The only reason I brought you here is because I wanted you to hear the truth from the horse’s mouth. You can leave now.” He was cold, but how could I blame him? What I did was downright unforgivable, and I had no one to blame except myself. Valor might have pulled a few strings, but she wasn’t responsible for my actions. I made those decisions on my own.
“I know things are still fresh right now, but eventually, we need to sit down and talk. I fucked up, and I have to take accountability, but this can’t be the end.” Emotions were high, but I knew deep down East loved me. Not to mention, we were still raising a little girl together.
“Hawk, can you escort my baby mama out of here?” The downgrade of my title stung, but I knew he was only speaking from a place of hurt.
“What are you gonna do about Valor?”
“It’s none of your concern. Go get my daughter. You’ve been lying around sulking about some bullshit decision you made and must’ve forgotten you have a child to raise.” His comment stung, but I couldn’t even argue with him. I hadn’t been as present as I should have been.
East must have noticed the sad expression on my face and felt guilty because he gave Logic a look before he turned in my direction. His closeness made me nervous, and I hated myself for the way things were between us.
“I planned to let her go afterward, but I done lost my bitch and my baby. Somebody gotta pay for that,” he grumbled.
I gulped but decided not to ask any more questions. East never discussed his street business with me, and if I was being honest, I didn’t want to know.
“Things are fucked up right now, but eventually, we need to sit down and talk,” I repeated.
“We don’t have shit to talk about. After I handle this shit, I’m gonna give you a few days to spend with our daughter, and then I’m coming to get her. I’ll have my shit moved out by the end of the week, and we can communicate through my granny as far as Noodle’s schedule is concerned. I’ll deposit money into your account every week for her and the bills. Everything else, you’ll be responsible for.” The coldness in his tone shattered me to my core, but I tried to hold myself together.
“I understand you’re upset, and you have every right to be. I’m gonna respect your decision for now, but at the end of the day, we need to talk about our relationship.”
“We don’t have a relationship, shorty. You ended that the moment you walked out of our house and had my baby sucked out of you. I don’t know what you thought was gonna happen, but I never gave you the impression that you could play with my feelings. I tried to tell you it was a misunderstanding, but your ass didn’t want to listen. I’ve never cheated on you, and as many times as you’ve gone through my phone, you know this better than anyone.
“I gave you a pass when you left because it looked bad, but for you to make such an impulsive and hurtful decision because you were in your feelings showed me who you really are. I’ve tried my hardest to love you the way I thought you needed, but it’s clear it wasn’t good enough. I’m done trying. It’s clear we want two different things, and I don’t want to hold you back.”
My tears could no longer be held at bay because it felt like someone was restricting my air supply. East was breaking up with me. The one thing I had been afraid of for all these years was coming to fruition, and it felt like I was being stabbed right in the heart.
“Essex, I—”
“It’s time for you to go. I’ll have Granny or Aunt Pam hit you up when it’s time to coordinate a drop-off.”
East walked away from me without giving me a chance to plead my case. My heart was crushed, and all I kept thinking about was how I would survive without him. It might have sounded dramatic, but East was a part of me. He was the person who saved me when I had no one. His love was one of the driving forces behind me becoming the woman I was now. I couldn’t even imagine a life where he wasn’t in it, and I didn’t want to.
