“What did I say? You’d better act like you’ve got some sense, or things are gonna get really ugly around here.” When he kissed me, I wanted to throw up. His lips were dry and cracked, and I could tell he hadn’t brushed his teeth in days.I whimpered, praying someone would come home and rescue me, even though I knew the likelihood of it was slim to none.
God must have heard my prayers because my mother barged into my room, fussing about the dishes not being done.
“What the hell is going on?” she yelled, looking between the two of us. I thought Tone would start panicking and trying to explain himself, but instead, he lifted off me and said something that left me stunned.
“You see I’m busy, don’t you? I told you that if you weren’t gonna satisfy me the way I needed, someone else would. You and your bastards have been living a good life off my dime, and it’s time for me to recoup something back for all of my sacrifices. Now get your ass in the kitchen and go cook my dinner. After I bust this nut, I’m gonna need something on my stomach,” he spat heatedly.
I expected my mother to go off on him and tell him to get the hell out, but those words never left her mouth. Instead, she glared at me jealously and then pouted with her arms folded.
“Can you at least turn on some music or something? I don’t want to hear what you’re doing,” she requested before she left the room. I couldn’t even form the words to express how hurt and betrayed I felt.
Tone wasted no time obliging her request. He shut and locked the door, then turned on the radio to drown out my screams. It was the longest twenty minutes of my life, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. The pain was excruciating, and all I kept thinking about was why my momma hadn’t stepped in to rescue me. After Tone released for the second time, he put his clothes back on and left my room.
I lay there trying to wrap my mind around what happened. I thought about calling my brother, but I wasn’t even sure what to say to him. Instead, I mustered up all the strength I had andlimped over to my dresser. Tone ripped my shirt and shorts while he undressed me, and I needed new clothes to put on.
Once I had another outfit in my hand, I peeked outside my door to make sure the coast was clear. I could hear Tone and my momma talking, and angry tears slipped from my eyes. I cried the entire time I was in the shower until the water turned cold. Afterward, I got dressed and tiptoed back to my room. My momma and Tone were now in a full-blown argument, and it would only be a matter of time before things turned violent. It never failed.
“I just don’t get it, Tone. You’re fucking all these bitches in the neighborhood, and I try not to trip too much because you take care of me, but my daughter? Really? I give you all this pussy, and you want to take it from a young bitch? She doesn’t even know how to clean her pussy properly, and she doesn’t even have any titties. What the hell do you see in her that you don’t see in me?” my mother croaked. You would have thought she was talking about another woman and not her own flesh and blood. She was making it seem as if he was cheating when that wasn’t the case at all.
When I got back inside my room, I grabbed my phone from my vanity. Their voices grew louder and louder until I heard the sound of my mother screaming and glass breaking. I ran over to the door, wincing in pain. I poked my head out, but I couldn’t see what was going on, so I decided to get closer.
“Bitch! How many times do I have to tell you about trying to question me? All you have to do is sit around and do what the fuck I say. What I do with my dick is none of your fucking business. The same way I don’t ask you about how you keep getting all this white girl when you don’t have any money.” Tone fumed, waving a baggie of white powder in her face.
She jumped up and lunged at him when he tried to open the baggie. It was crazy to see her more upset about a drug than she was about her daughter being violated.
“Look at you. I told your stupid ass not to get hooked on this shit. You were only supposed to use it every once in a while. That’s why your pussy’s so dry, because the only thing wet on you is your fucking nose, bitch!” Tone pushed her down and then walked into the kitchen. He turned on the faucet and attempted to pour the contents of the baggie into the sink. I never saw my mother move so fast, but she was fighting with everything in her.
“Stop it! Why are you doing this? I let you have my daughter, what more do you want from me?” Jazzie cried. At that moment, she stopped being a mother to me.
“You didn’t let me have shit. Everything in this mothafuckin’ house belongs to me, including her. As soon as I get my food, I’m going right back in there to get some more of that tight little pussy. You need to figure out what your next move is gonna be because you’re about to be out on the streets if you can’t fall in line,” Tone warned. My stomach churned when he mentioned coming back for more. I wasn’t about to let that happen.
The two of them continued to tussle, and it got more intense when Tone began choking her. I ran off to my room to call my brother. Keynauri roared into the phone and told me he would be home in a minute. I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew I was safe. Or at least, that was what I thought.
The last six months of my life had been a slow-motion nightmare. My brother was on trial for Tone’s murder, and they were doing everything they could to throw the book at him. I hated the way they made him out to be this heartless killer because he wasn’t. That night, things got out of hand, and Tone died. Keynauri was angry, but he never meant for it to go down the way it did. What hurt the most was the fact that my motherbasically gave up on us. I wasn’t allowed in the courthouse, but Keynauri told me how she testified against him.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, given the way she treated us when Tone was still alive. Now that he was gone, it was as if she had left too. She no longer wanted to be a mother, and now I was stuck at my aunt’s house.
“Hey, Cousin. You want to walk to the corner store with me?” My cousin, Shaylyn, asked.
“Yeah, I’ll go. I don’t have any money, though.”
“Bitch, who asked you about money? Go put your shoes on and let’s go. I’ve been craving salt-and-vinegar chips and a hot sausage. Santrell stole my last bag.” She fussed.
I got up from the couch and put on my shoes. It had been a while since I had been able to leave the house aside from going to school.
“Aye, Momma. We’re about to walk to the store. Do you want anything?” Shaylyn inquired. I held my breath, waiting for Aunt Trina to tell me I couldn’t go. She had been acting funny whenever I wanted to do normal things teenagers did. My friends invited me to go skating and to the movies, but she refused to let me go.
Aunt Trina made every excuse for why I couldn’t go outside with the rest of the kids. She claimed I needed to keep a low profile, but I had no idea what she meant. Then she would always bring up the fact that she only had money for her kids to have fun, and how I should be lucky to have a roof over my head.
“Who’s all going?” she asked. I could feel her eyes burning a hole through the back of my head.
“Just Lyric and me. I might ask Imani when I get outside.”
“Hmmph. How is Lyric gonna go to the store if she doesn’t have any money?” she grumbled.
I wanted to mention that she got paid to take care of me but decided not to.
“I have a few extra dollars, so I was gonna share with her.”
