“And you won’t go after Nathan?”
The scowl on East’s face frightened me, but I needed him to confirm.
“For now. He’s on borrowed time, Lyric. I might have agreed to leave him alone for the time being, but it won’t be forever.”
“Thank you for understanding. I just can’t lose you. I’ve already taken enough Ls in life, and I can’t have another person’s life ruined because of me.” I twiddled with my fingers while I focused on the ground.
“Aye, stop saying that shit. You don’t have anything to do with the actions of others. If I decide to pop that nigga, I’m grown enough to understand the risks and consequences that come with my choices. I’m not the type of person who makes irrational decisions, so if I do something, it’s because I want to and I believe it’s worth it,” East declared, causing more tears to fall. My tear ducts should have been good and dry from all the crying I had been doing. “Please stop. Seeing you cry is only gonna make me want to slide by that nigga’s spot and shoot up the whole house.”
“His family lives there too,” I reasoned.
“So? What the fuck is that supposed to mean to me? If my family has to suffer, why shouldn’t his? I don’t give a fuck about him or his kids. The whole bloodline needs to be erased, if you ask me.”
Instead of responding, I sat down on his bed. The events of the day left me completely drained, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep and wake up from this horrible nightmare. I grabbed one of his pillows, hugging it against my chest as I stared off into space. It seemed as if life would never go back to being normal, and it was difficult to wrap my mind around my new reality.
The bed dipped, and I lifted my head to see East sitting next to me. Stress was evident on his face, and I fought the guilt flowing through me.
“I know you’ve been through hell, and I don’t want to do anything to add to your pain. Shit has been crazy since bro got locked up, and I haven’t been there the way I should have been. My mind was so focused on money, I missed all the shit you were dealing with. I’m sorry, but I’m gonna do my best to make up for it,” East promised.
I hadn’t expected an apology from him. I’ll admit, I held some anger and resentment toward everyone. I went from having a family who looked out for me to being tossed aside and forgotten. Mentally, I was broken and shattered, with no idea of how I would be able to come back from this. The hurt inside of me ran deep, and I knew I would never be the same.
“I forgive you, but I’m not your child or your responsibility, so—”
“Stop. Don’t even bother to finish that dumb ass shit. I’m tryna have a real ass conversation with you, Lola B. Depending on what your next move is, shit is about to get real. Your brother asked Logic and me to look out for you, so you are my responsibility. I dropped the ball, but it won’t happen again.”
“Okay. I’m sorry I keep saying the wrong things. All of this is hard for me. I don’t know what I’m doing and what’s gonna happen to me. I’m not eighteen yet, which means I’ll probably end up back in foster care until I’m legal. I’m under so muchstress, and I feel like I’m gonna lose it at any minute.” My voice cracked as I tried to stop myself from crying again.
“Don’t worry about any of that. I’m gonna take care of things. All I need you to do is focus on the things you can control, like your grades. I know those mothafuckas are probably in the dumpster.”
I smiled for the first time, and it felt foreign, but in a good way.
“Actually, they aren’t that bad. I have a B in most of my classes except for two.”
“Good, but you’re an honor student. You shouldn’t have anything lower than a B. It takes just as much effort to fail a class as it does to ace one. Don’t let the distractions of life hold you back. You’re too smart for that.”
My face flushed as nerves settled in the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t used to East complimenting me. I honestly couldn’t recall us talking to each other this much in all the years I had known him.
“Thank you. I’m behind on a few assignments, but I’m gonna get it together before the quarter ends.”
“Damn right. I’m gonna be on your ass to make sure you do.” Our eyes locked, and I had to remind myself to breathe.
“What do you plan to do about your little situation?” he asked, completely killing the mood. I glanced down at the little pudge in my belly and gulped. The circumstances surrounding my pregnancy weren’t the best, but I still wasn’t sure I could go through an abortion. Adoption was out of the question because there was no way I would go through the journey only to hand my baby off to a stranger. It was all too much for a seventeen-year-old to have to think about.
“I don’t know. A baby is the last thing I need right now, but is it wrong that I don’t want to kill it? It probably sounds crazy, but this baby is family. Something I don’t have very much of these days.”
I spoke my internal thoughts outwardly, hoping East would understand where I was coming from.
“I can’t say I fully understand because I’m not a woman. What I will say is if you don’t want to go through with an abortion, then don’t do it. At the end of the day, it’s your body, and you’re the only one who has to live with your choices. I guess my only question is, are you sure you want to have his baby? You don’t think you’re gonna look at them and resent them because of what he did?
“I know a lot of broads from the neighborhood who would have babies and then mistreat them because the daddy didn’t want them, but your situation is a lot more delicate. I’m worried about your mental health as well as the well-being of the baby. Do you think you can handle this?” East probed, asking a very valid question. It was something I went back and forth about from the moment I missed my first period.
“I’ve thought about it, and I think I can handle it. It isn’t their fault that their father is a monster, and I don’t want to punish them because of someone else’s actions. Hell, I know what it feels like to be abandoned by a parent for things that were out of my control. My only problem is that I don’t have anything. How can I bring a baby into this world when I’m hanging on by a thread? I can’t even provide their basic needs or put a roof over their head.”
“If money and housing weren’t an issue, what would your decision be?”
“I would keep the baby,” I uttered lowly.
“Then I guess we’re having a baby,” he declared.
