Maybe Holden has a point.
“So what do our brothers want?” I ask him. “What would prove that we’re still dedicated to the frat and making sure our futures stay bright?”
Holden scoots closer. “I know you’re stupidly into Pandora too, which… You gotta stand up for yourself, Asch. You don’t need to always take Blaze’s sloppy seconds. But for now, just talk to him? Get him to stop pissing off all the brothers. He talks a big game, and we know he’s a fucking badass, but he can’t punch his way through this.”
No. None of us can. Not Blaze, not River, and not even me.
I don’t care that they think I’m taking Blaze’s sloppy seconds, but I do care that their loyalty to him is waning. The fact that Holden is willing to talk to me about it says it’s not entirely hopeless, but I don’t know how to fix this without losing Pandora.
If it comes down to losing the frat or losing Pandora, I know what Blaze will choose.
For the first time, I’m not sure that it would be the right decision.
I don’t care about my future, but I do care about Blaze’s, and without his father, without the frat, what would he even do?
Then again, what’s he supposed to do with his father? Continue his legacy of sex trafficking women? Do I want him to followthat legacy?
Maybe it would be better for him to lose it all and rebuild from scratch.
No.
I don’tknow, and that bothers me.
“Yeah, okay,” I say. “I’ll talk to him.”
I don’t know what I’ll say, but it’s a conversation we need to have.
Holden stands up and claps me on the shoulder. “Good man.” He flashes me a grin. “I knew you were smart. Scholarship kid and all.”
The words tear into open wounds, and I grit my teeth. “Yeah.”
That scholarship will probably disappear any day, regardless of what Blaze might say, and I’ll be stuck back in New Valence.
Alone.
I might try to tell myself I don’t care about my future, but like Blaze, I stand to lose everything.
Of course, that might happen anyway.
Maybe I do care.
Fuck.
I get up, no longer interested in studying. I need to find Blaze and see what the hell the plan is going forward, because I don’t know what it is. “See you later, Holden,” I say, and I push past him to head out of the library.
I was in the library so I could get out of my own head instead of wallowing in my room, but that clearly didn’t work.
Is there a point in studying anymore at all? The ‘scholarship’ will be gone next year, and I don’t know how I’ll afford tuition. Even though Blaze covers my portion of the rent, he can’t exactly pay for my schooling on top of that.
The air outside is frigid, and I regret not buttoning my coat before I exited the library. You’d think I would have grown used to these northern winters after last year, but I still yearn for the mild winters of New Valence.
If I transfer to a university back home, I won’t ever have to deal with this shit weather.
“Excuse me,” a female voice says. I glance over to the woman.
She’s tall—almost as tall as I am—with short black hair in a pixie cut and tan skin. Like me, she’s bundled up in winter gear, but there’s something familiar about her.
“I’m trying to find the biology lab,” she says, motioning down to her phone. “But this map makes no sense to me.”
