“We can make do,” Asch says. “Blaze’s… the one in Blaze’s room is big enough for two, at least.”
River gets up, still holding me in his arms. “Let’s go get you clean.It’ll help you feel better.” He glances at Asch. “Will you text Ares or Kratos?”
Asch pulls out his phone, tapping on the screen. “Sending a message now,” he says.
I let River drag me along, like he’s a real river and the current is too much for me. That would be a first, right? Usually I’m the coursing current.
Blaze’s en-suite isn’t quite luxury, but it’s big enough, and the shower stall is indeed large enough for two. I sit on the toilet while River turns the water on.
When the droplets first hit the tile, they drown out my heart.
Not for long, though.
“I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this,” I say.
“We know,” Asch says, setting his phone and the pile of clothes down on the bathroom counter. He goes to me, kissing me gently on the lips, before pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. “None of us did. But it’ll…” His voice catches before he steadies it. “It’ll be okay.”
River undresses, too, and steps into the stall before offering his hand to me. “C’mon,” he coaxes.
I take his hand and step into the shower stall. The water is already the perfect temperature.
I bow my head and let the water pour over me.
It’ll be okay?
No.
It won’t.
I ruined it again.
I wrap River’s chest hair around a finger and pull on it. “I don’t feel better yet, River.”
River wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tight. “I know.”
Asch grabs a few washcloths from beneath the sink and passes one to River before he wets one of them and soaps it up. “Here, take a step back, River,” he says. “You bathe. I’ll take care of Pandora.”
River shoots him a glare, but he reluctantly steps back so he can start to get clean.
“Blaze is going to be fine,” Asch says, but I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince me or himself. “And the people who died… No one’s going to miss them.”
“I definitely won’t,” I mutter. “But…” Shit.
Anastasia, and Reaper, and Fenrir.
Ares, and Kratos.
Mel.
“Did the others get out?” I ask. “Mel?”
River nods. “Yeah. The building collapse didn’t get that many people. Anastasia and Reaper’s crew evacuated most of them, and the blast was concentrated in the back, where… where we were.”
Oh.
I start to laugh, and then I sob, and it’s full-on crying like I’m a pathetic child.
I didn’t get my family killed.
