She wanted to talk to Augusta about everything, wanted to convince her to forgive Colin and Eben and Fran, but she couldn’t quite figure out where to start. Was she more upset about the fact that Colin and Eben had been together, or the fact that she hadn’t known? Bailey herself wasn’t sure where she would fall. She had never felt the need to come clean about her past to anyone, never wanted to exchange lists or numbers, to stay up late detailing for a new boyfriend the time she dated her TA or hooked up with some famous actor from a police drama.
The masseuse moved to Bailey’s arms and hands, digging her thumbs into Bailey’s palms and pulling on each finger until they cracked. In some part of her brain, she registered the bustle and hum of clients at the salon checking in at the desk and a new voice in the room.
“I mean, he was gay the whole time. He just married her to stay close to the brother. Can you imagine?”
Bailey’s face was pressed against the headrest but she opened her eyes. Someone was talking on the phone, she couldn’t see anything and she didn’t recognize the voice.
“It’s sad that in this day and age he didn’t feel comfortable just coming out. But also, how could she have missed it? It was her own husband…I know…I know…The poor thing. Okay, I’ll let you go. I have an appointment.” Bailey heard a door at the back of the salon open and close, the woman disappearing into the small rooms where they did brow and bikini waxes. Bailey felt her body flood with adrenaline. Is this what everyone was saying? People thought Colin had married Augusta as a cover?
Bailey herself hadn’t known about Colin and Eben back in high school. Like everyone else, she’d been oblivious, she’d assumed they were best friends, the same way they were with Van. And Van had never said a word otherwise. It was only when Eben got so weird about his sister’s wedding that she figured it out. He was angry with Colin, angrier than he was with Augusta, and it didn’t make sense at first. Then, one night in Fran’s yard, everyone drinking and carrying on, she heard them arguing, Eben insisting they needed to tell Augusta, Colin refusing. Bailey was surprised, but also not. High school was a time of raging hormones, of experimentation, of hooking up with your boyfriend in his neighbor’s gardening shed. Weirder things had happened.
But she could see, without a doubt, that Colin and Eben weren’t in love, not by a mile. Whatever had been between them back when they were teenagers had stopped a long time ago. The idea that Colin’s marriage to Augusta was a front was delusional. He loved her. So Bailey never said a word to anyone about what she had heard. It wasn’t herbusiness, but also, on some deeper level, she wasn’t sure how Augusta would react. Would Augusta be able to shrug it off as a thing of the past? Or would she always wonder if their feelings for one another remained? There was something rigid and inflexible about Augusta that worried Bailey. She was so intent on creating the marriage her mother never had, so eager to make up for some concept of family she felt she had missed. She was clearly in love with Colin, he was clearly in love with her, and Bailey wasn’t going to be the one to break her heart.
She felt hands on her shoulders, strong thumbs working up toward her neck, the back of her head, pulling her straighter and taller. Bailey briefly debated storming into the waxing room to see who had been talking on her phone. She’d rip the woman’s entire eyebrows off and leave her walking around looking like an alien Tilda Swinton. When the massage finished with a series of swift taps along her spine Bailey sat up and turned to Augusta. “Babe, did you hear that woman talking on her phone just now?”
“No, I wasn’t listening.” Augusta was lying. Her hair was sticking up from the head massage and she looked in the mirror and frowned before fixing her ponytail.
“People are idiots,” Bailey said quietly.
“Oh my God, I look insane.” Augusta was wiping at the mascara that had stained under her eyes. “Just let it drop, Bailey.”
They paid and walked out to the parking lot, but Bailey felt something tugging at her. She couldn’t just say goodbye without trying.
“Hey, can I sit with you for a second?” Bailey asked. She climbed into Augusta’s passenger seat, moving a pile of children’s library books to the dashboard. “Can we talk about Colin?”
“I don’t know, Bailey. I’m worried I don’t even know what I’m allowed to say. I don’t want to sound homophobic or conservative. I don’t know what I’m allowed to feel.” Augusta’s voice was thick.
“It’s me, babe. You can say anything. What are you worried about? I won’t judge you.”
“I’m judging myself.” Augusta put her head in her hands. “I can’t stop thinking about Colin having sex with Eben, with other guys, I’m running these different scenarios in my head, obsessively.”
“Okay, and what do the scenarios make you feel?”
“When I picture him with some faceless guy it’s fine, I mean, I can see it and it’s fine. Sure, I wonder if there were more guys, I wonder if it was more than just Eben, but I guess it even bothers me less than picturing him with another woman. Like I don’t feel that stab of jealousy.”
“Okay, that’s interesting. I wasn’t sure if you…Well, some people…” Bailey stumbled. “Can I ask you something? Have you yourself ever made out with a girl or had a crush on someone?”
“Bailey…” Augusta groaned uncomfortably.
“I have,” Bailey volunteered. “I’ve had a couple crushes. I even slept with a girl from my first job. Allison. She’s gay and she wasn’t looking for a relationship with me, but it was a fun experience.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I don’t kiss and tell.” Bailey shrugged. “So, what about you?”
“No, nothing like that. But I’ve had daydreams.” Augusta’s cheeks flushed.
“Really?” Bailey grinned. “Okay, that’s something.”
“Yeah. But it feels so different for women. Like it’s sexy for women to sometimes fool around with other girls. It’s complicated with men. It’s just not something you hear about or talk about.”
“Guys never talked about being bisexual when we were in high school and college. They acted like if you were bisexual you were gay but just not ready to say it.”
Augusta shook her head. “I just keep thinking about how Colindidn’t feel comfortable telling me. Or is that why he is attracted to me? Am I masculine? But even if it has nothing to do with me, it was Eben—it was my brother. Imagine if Van slept with your sister.”
“Ha!” Bailey barked with unexpected laughter. “Oh my God, I absolutely cannot.”
“See?”
