Aegir chewed on his lower lip, then said, “If there’s anyone in this world who could keep a secret, I know it’s you. But no harm in saying it anyway, I guess. Now that you know why I amreallyhere, I want you to never talk about it again, not with anyone, not even with me.” I understood what he meant bynot even with me. Do not ask questions, do not mention it. Ever.
I was so lost in conversation that I hadn’t realised it had turned pitch-black outside, right until the second Eldric flew in through the window. His ivory, silky feathers contrasted against the black background of the quiet night sky. I blinked at his shift.
“Good. You left plenty,” Eldric grumbled as he went rummaging through the trolley, filling a plate with whatever he could find.
“Help yourself,” Aegir commented flatly.
Eldric only shrugged and dug in. Everything he touched turned smaller. He might as well have eaten straight from the tray, which would have looked like a plate in his hand. Aegir stood and gestured towards the exit. He didn’t seem thrilled that dinner was over, and I didn’t feel especially excited about it either.
My cloak draped, gathered in my grip. We stood by the door.
“Thank you for dinner,” I said softly.
His smile grew, exposing his canines.
Then I asked, motioning to the door handle, “Don’t you have to open it for me?”
“Oh, yes, you can open it,” he replied, gesturing.
“Good night, Aegir.”
“Good night, Cordelia.”
The handle turned cool against my palm, and I imagined Aegir commanding his invisible but palpable net to part for me.
CHAPTER 23
Ifound myself smiling on the way back to my room.
It was late, but notthatlate. Nadya and Mounir were most likely still at Maryam’s birthday dinner, serving the king and his family. The Belzaris always hosted birthdays privately—family only. Some sort of tradition, or perhaps the family consisted of too many people already. Four companions, thirteen children, twenty-seven grandchildren.
My room was short of a roommate, just as expected. I settled for donning an underdress and hid the red dress underneath the mattress. Collapsing onto my bed, I let out a long, pleased sigh.
My body relived the feelings it unexpectedly experienced during our…well, it was almost like a date. My belly fluttered as I thought about his palm resting on the small of my back, and that subtle caress with his thumb. I could still feel the sweet embrace of his power, both cool and warm, coursing along my skin. How his lips felt against the skin of my arms, against my fingertips—the same fingers that were now resting on my smiling lips. They moved away from my mouth and slowly made their way along my belly, lower. My eyes closed so that I could better picture his.Mmm.
The way his name came out hushed and heated from between my lips almost had me startled.
I remained sprawled on the bed, one hand on my full belly, the other resting on my forehead. My thoughts, however, wouldn’t just be content and grasp only the positive facts. Goodthings, like discovering he had powers that I was not only unafraid of, but ones that I liked. Powers that could help me. My brain decided to instead focus on different parts of our almost-date. Mainly the way he spoke about the need of an alliance, realising that I was afraid of war, fearful of the unknown. Though I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little spark of hope for the people of Ilma. Perhaps the Silchans didn’t completely abandon their fellow Hydrans after all. The risk, though, their lives at stake—that terrified me to the bone.
My thoughts jumped from one piece of our conversation to another. The many things he revealed, the many questions that lingered. Today, I was asked if I had ever ventured outside of Ramel. Aegir’s words roused my past desires—ones that I hadn’t thought about for a long while. Desires that had sprouted from roots of pain and heartache.
I couldn’t believe I was finally doing it.
I had kept my most shameful secret locked within me for years. But today—today, I swore to myself, swore to the gods, that I would finally tell him. Especially now that I’d uncovered his. And even though his secret wasn’t willingly shared, I still longed to open my heart to him.
Faern was away and I was finally alone with him. And he seemed to be in a kinder-than-usual mood.
“I need to tell you something,” Semuel and I said at the same time. I chuckled.
“You go first,” Semuel said.
“No, you go,” I persisted.
“This won’t be easy, Wildheart, but I’m…I’m leaving Ramel. I received word from Faern, and I’m going to have to join him. I wish to join him, to be with him.”
“WillIbe joining you?” I asked. My heart swelled with fear and anticipation. And later, it shut off, sealing away my secret back into its quiet darkness.
It was around that time that I started contemplating leaving Ramel. I was tired of waiting. Waiting for Semuel to return, waiting for the Ilmans to be freed. I wished to forget that I couldn’t remember. Wished to just make peace with it. And so I had fantasised about riding Cinnamon all the way to Sijar. My savings were relatively abundant back then, thanks to Semuel buying me most of the things I needed. But with my little fortune, I was still far off from buying a mare from the royals of Ramel. Turned out that a few months later, Cinnamon injured her leg and my priorities took an unexpected turn. And so I was left with nothing to do but hope and wait.
