“I’m afraid so.”
“I’ll wait for you,” he promised, and I nodded at him with a shy smile.
The following month, I visited him again.
“Delia!”
Well, he always seemed content in my presence.
He might have been called handsome if looked at the right way. Tall and lean. A kind, dimpled smile.
That night, we talked about the Graind Races, which were only a few weeks away. Before I left the stables, Ismail gently yanked my hand and pulled me close. Then he leaned in and just…kissed me. And I kissed him back. For the first time ever, I was kissing someone. I had no idea how to do it and for how long, so I just followed his movements. I felt a tiny flutter in my belly whenever our tongues touched.
The following month I was there…and the many days off that followed.
It had been three weeks without Semuel, and I was still shaken up. Devastated. My eyes welled up and my lips pursed tight whenever I thought about our sad goodbye. Not to mention Mounir’s treatment that followed, which couldn’t have been more opposite to Semuel’s. I felt so alone in this world.
Ismail must not have noticed my pain, as the second I stepped foot inside the stable, he came running towards me with the widest grin. He snatched my hand and pulled me towards the last stall, the bigger one at the very end.
“Look,” he breathed.
I gasped. “Oh, wow! He’s the tiniest, cutest little foal in all of Lyrantheia,” I stated, eyes watering. I’d been tearing up at everything lately, but perhaps shedding tears over this little foal was as good a reason.
He let out a low chuckle. “Agreed. Samina gave birth two weeks ago. We named him Illy. I couldn’t wait to show him to you.”
We spent the next few minutes staring at the little foal.
Ismail reached for my hand and we strolled along the wide corridors of the stables. He stopped our walk and pulled me towards him, reaching to brush my cheek. I thought he was going to ask about my well-being, but instead, he leaned in for our mouths to meet. I lost myself in that kiss. It distracted me from my misery. It made me feel like I was alive, living. I wanted more of it, and so I pulled him near. I craved to be touched. It felt as if it was the only thing that could stifle my loneliness, a veil of pretence that masked my sorrow. So when he opened the unoccupied stall and entered, I followed him inside. And I let him. I let him pin me to the wall. I let him lift my dress. I let him lower my undergarment. I let him push himself against me.
I winced.
I was there, with the hopes of silencing my pain, only to be welcomed by more of it. Ismail didn’t stop. He didn’t even slow. It was as if he was blind to my hurt—to all of it. Before I could push him away, his face twitched and he moaned, breathing heavily against my neck. He removed himself from me and I quickly lifted my undergarment, staining it with blood and whatever it was that came out of him.
“I have to go,” I blurted.
“Delia, wait,” he called out, pulling up his trousers.
I didn’t. I hurried back to the castle with a watery face and a pierced heart.
I didn’t know how to feel about myself. I lay in my bed with a preoccupied mind and a hushed thought that lingered for days. I had shared my body with someone and I had never felt so lonely.
CHAPTER 18
Iswore that Joel’s unnecessary loudness broke out the exact moment I managed to fall asleep. “Rise and shine, boys and lady!”
Ugh. I let out a low grunt and lingered inside my tent for a minute or two longer. I wasn’t sure what caused me to toss and turn all night. Perhaps it was the eerie stillness of the night, or maybe—which was more likely—it was just the weight of my own persistent thoughts.
I gladly accepted the cup of coffee Darius brought my way the second I exited my tent.
“Rough night?” he asked.
I gave him a small nod. “Thank you.”
After dismantling our tents and mounting our horses, Aegir leaned forward and told me, “We’ll be riding till dusk, like yesterday.”
I meant to say, “Mmhmm,” but the unannounced cooling sensation that caressed and freshened my skin made it sound more like a moan than anything else. I waited for him to set that barrier of air between us, but he only came near. My heated face felt like it was immune to his powers.
Gods, it’s too early for this.
