I had to close my eyes. I had never spoken such words out loud before. But the truth was what was needed, and when I searched within my heart and my soul, it was all the truth I could find.
“I wish that Semuel had never left me. Sometimes I think about him, happy and laughing. And when I imagine him, his face, I can tell that he has long forgotten me. And that’s when I feel hate and pain in my heart.”
I paused for a few seconds, taking a deep breath in, then letting out the air through my nose. I didn’t want to admit the next few words. I knew they pained me long before I said them. But if I didn’t speak the truth about what pains me, then what truth was there to speak about?
My lips trembled, and my voice broke with every word. “I love him. I hate myself for it. Yet I do not think that I can ever stop. I do not think that I will ever heal with time. I don’t think such time exists.” Salty tears slid down my cheeks, making their way between my lips. “Despite the envy, the hate, the rage, the constant thoughts, the eternal reminders. Everything I look at, everything I touch, is a reminder of him. Whether it’s the sea, a plant, or simply a cool breeze. And whenever I think about the things he did for me, the kind ones, my heart starts picking up its own pieces, eager to feel whole once more. But then my mind takes over. For a small second, my brain reminds my heart of the upsetting words that came out of his mouth. And my chest aches just as painfully as it did the first time I heard them. Andthat’s when it shatters itself into a million pieces, over and over. My selfish, selfish heart.” Tears turned into sobs, yet I pushed myself to admit one final truth. “And when I’m alone, at night, drowning in thoughts of guilt, pain, and sorrow, I do not pray. I do not seek solace in my god, Amfir. My god, which I never felt was mine.”
I left myself breathless. My eyes stung, reddened. Red, just like the colour of the snakes’ eyes before us. Four blood-red rubies shone so bright, the walls around us appeared to shimmer in crimson. Marshen’s fingers brushed my shoulder, but he retracted his arm as the wall before us trembled. Both snakes snapped their heads away from us, then slithered along the wall-door. Their bodies formed symbols. They intertwined, shaping a continuous chain of intricate knots. After a long dance of swirls and loops, they decided to go their separate ways. They untied themselves until they were no longer one. Then chased each other in circular motions. One ate the other, forming a shimmering halo of bright red.Ouroboros. A circle that shrunk in size until a small ring—or rather a scaly door handle—remained dangling in the centre of the iron door. Its scales were adorned with four round rubies, shaped like serpent eyes. I moved towards it in small steps. I found the courage within me and reached for the handle. It felt almost alive as a warm pulse throbbed against my palm. I pulled. And with a creaking sound, the door opened. I was glad to have hoisted my bag before going through.
CHAPTER 53
The door bolted shut, making us jolt at the loud bang that followed. When we turned around, the door was replaced with rock. And so we again found ourselves at the start of a long, craggy corridor.
“Are you all right?” Marshen asked, his voice low.
“I’m fine. It got us through, didn’t it?” I wiped my face.
“Yeah, sorry for having to do that.”
“We can stop talking about it now,” I said, taking the first steps.
“Whatever,” he mumbled, following behind.
Marshen broke the long minutes of awkward silence with hopeful words. “Look. I think there’s an entrance right ahead.”
“Where?”
“There, right in front of us.”
“Well, clearly my human eyes can’t see it,” I said, upping my pace.
“Slow your step. Watch the floor!”
“I know, I won’t let quicksand get to me again.”
“Slow down.”
I didn’t. I hurried along the corridor, Marshen in tow, until we found ourselves beneath a glistening arch that led into a deep cavern—or rather a sinkhole. The first thing that caught my eye was a stretch of glass-like lake, its surface a riveting shimmering twilight. The spread of water explained the smell of wet stone that filled the heavy, humid air around us. As I lifted my head,a breathtaking sight unfolded before me, causing my jaw to drop. “Whoa,” I murmured. The high, rugged ceiling appeared enchanting—it was as if the stone was made of flickering blue crystals, all twinkling in no particular order. Except it was not studded crystals that sparkled above us, but thousands of upside-down glowflies. I could hear the occasional faint buzzing, creating a soft yet chaotic, melodic hymn. “Glowflies,” I breathed, my eyes finding Marshen’s. “They were endemic to Ramel, or should I say, theyareendemic to Ramel.”
Walking towards the ledge, I noticed rocky stairs leading into the lake, and on the opposite side—which from where I was standing seemed very far away—were more stairs leading to another alcove.
“I think we have to cross to the other side,” I said. The words tasted hesitant as they left my tongue. I knelt and extended my arm, allowing the immortal light to fall onto the water. Despite the dusky setting, the lake shone light blue, just like the celeste glowflies glistening above our heads.
All of it appeared serene, inviting, yet my gut felt unsteady. Something felt off.
“I think so, too,” Marshen said, with similar reluctance.
Well, we didn’t have much of a choice, did we?
I was about to take my first brave step when something yellowish-white caught my eye. I moved the flame towards it, then jerked backwards, away from the bones and skulls that I could now see scattered at the bottom of the lake. Then my back bumped into Marshen’s chest as I glimpsed a grey silhouette moving swiftly in the shallow waters.
“What the fuck was that?” I exhaled.
And as if it heard me and wanted to show me what it truly was, it lunged itself out of the lake, then slithered back in. It was effortless, its massive, sleek form undulating in smooth waves. Remarkable grey scales covered its robust body—they reflectedlight as they glided seamlessly into the water. It was a colossal snake thrice the size of Marshen in his animal form.
“I thought we were done with snakes,” Marshen grumbled.
“Can you shift?”
