As you wish.The rules are conventions.The conventions are expectations.If you believe you need something more, your wish is mine to grant.He sounded curious, but he could have been annoyed.I felt bad at finding his annoyed tone to be so sensual, almost teasing even if he wanted to distance himself or get me to adopt a more professional stance.
“Then—if it’s okay—let’s have no rules between the two of us,” I said.“We can do anything.I can ask whatever I want of you, and you need to answer me.”
That might not be wise.I think—Then he stopped speaking and clapped a hand over his mouth.
“All right, all right.”
He shook his head.Think nothing of it.You’re quite right, on second thought.Do as you will, and I will follow.
Instantly I felt lighter.“Are you serious?I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
I assure you it’s not a matter of comfort.
A quick silence elapsed.“Well?”I asked.“Oh, this is silly.It’s like talking to myself.Don’t you have anything to say?Anything to clarify, or tell me?”
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you.Nothing delights me more than hearing your interest, hearing the energy in your voice when you ask me questions.It’s exactly what I would want to hear in you.But if my words should be the cause of your downfall, I could never live with myself.If I said anything to you that you didn’t want to hear, anything that drove you away, I could never forgive myself.
“Then we’ll play by your rules,” I said.“But if I walk out this summer without anything written, it will be because you didn’t tell me enough.Not because you told me too much.Blame me, if you want.Say it was my destiny.”
I will do anything in my power to help,Aster promised meekly.
My chest tightened.“Then tell me, what do I need to do to succeed at this?”
Do?Aster stepped back in mild alarm.Oh, I couldn’t tell you what to do.I couldn’t lead you like that.
“You’re a muse.If you don’t tell me what to do, then what are you even here for?”
The sparkles in his eyes danced brighter.Inspiration.
“Inspire if you must, but be direct.I’ll do whatever you say, and I’ve got all the energyin the world to throw at it.”
Another breeze blew through the window.Aster paced around me.He cupped his hand under his chin and examined me as if evaluating to see how well I’d work for a modeling shoot.I couldn’t imagine his ideas for me, what he wanted me for, but I did pick up on a note of desire as he looked, a hunger.
Would you really do anything I asked?Aster asked.He stood behind me now.He rested his hands on my shoulders, and now when I felt his touch, it was more solid than the day before.
“Anything at all.Think of me as your vessel.”
I can work with that.
He lifted his hands, and his voice faded into the ocean outside.I turned around and half expected to find him gone, but now he stood behind me with a satisfied expression.I shivered with the sudden feeling that there was something Faustian about this, that I had essentially agreed to trade my soul for the type of greatness that I sought.But what type of greatness was it, if it didn’t include my soul?
THE SMILE
Early on oursecond day together, I gave Aster a tour of the house.He appeared to know about it already, or at least his navigational abilities appeared superhuman next to my own tendency to get lost whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Aster let me take over the speaking, seemingly impressed at my knowledge of the interior and how I had come to stay here by winning a contest.When we reached the bedroom, he smoothed the blankets on my bed and shifted the pillows to a more amenable position.This is where you sleep?he asked, and I couldn’t tell if he wanted to make conversation or if he had another reason for asking.
“Yes.It’s the only bedroom in the house,” I told him, and I searched his face for more of a motive to feed on.
Aster left the bed.He paced around the room as if inspecting it and brushed the curtains over the larger window to the side.For a moment, his eyes lingered over the ocean visible in the near distance.Then he turned his head.He leaned forward and dampened his lips.What is the tower for?
I explained the lighthouse to him as well as I could: its intended purpose, the fact that it was now defunct, and that lighthouses were seen as exotic attractions.
Do you like lighthouses?
“I guess.I haven’t really been out there much since I got here.I guess I just wanted to settle in first and take my time.”
Aster’s smooth pink lips twisted in a displeasure he did not bother to hide, but he kept his remarks to himself.
