Fair enough.He crossed the room and sat next to me on the couch.Then he took half the blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders, timidly glancing at my screen.That’s not the book.
“No,” I said, catching my breath from the suddenness in his voice.“I don’t think the book is a good idea now.Or maybe ever.”
Is this because of the shadows?
I blinked.“Yes.”
Aster leaned back.He sucked in his breath and then let it out with a long sigh.You have to write, Stella.It’s what we’re supposed to be doing.It’s the only thing we can do if we want to get out of this.If you’re not writing, certain forces in the universe might actually close in on us.
“I need more time.”
You don’t need more time.You don’t need more anything.He took my hand off my trackpad and squeezed it.How about we work outside today?
“Outside?You mean on the beach?”
Or the patio if you want something more standard,he offered.It will give you the change of pace you need.
I drew a breath and nodded.“That sounds like a good idea.Could we do that?”
Let’s set up a workspace out on the patio.You’re always telling me that you need more fresh air and sunshine anyway.
“You know what?That’s just what I need.”I leaned over and gave Aster a hug.This was the last time I would hug him.The last time, really, that the two of us would work together on friendly terms.Aster appeared to be genuinely well-rested from the nap he’d taken.I felt safer working with him besides.Protected.
When we got up and arranged the furniture on the patio, the Fates seemed to have disappeared.I figured I had imagined seeing them at all, that my excitement and adrenaline had pulled me into a feverish state.I mentioned to Aster about the mirror and my lack of reflection when I looked at it.I could repeat the experiment easily now, with a glass door shielding the dark interior of the home nearby.“Was it because of your blood when I kissed it?Some kind of chemical reaction?How long will it last?”
Aster examined a hand of newly trimmed nails.I don’t know.Perhaps.Don’t worry about it, Stella.
I took a breath and hugged my arms, shivering while he positioned my laptop.
The clouds continued to gather in the sky.Fortunately the temperature had climbed and the day felt satisfactory for late summer.I looked out at the waves crawling out of the ocean and tried to hear if they still warned me in their chant from earlier.
Aster set up a small, plastic folding table in front of me, and I sat on a worn wicker chair that I hadn’t noticed until now.When he finished, he lifted my screen.
Now write away.The entire world is yours to conquer with only a few words.
I placed my fingers on the keyboard, but my hands started to tremble violently.I made fists, stretched my fingers out again, but the shaking didn’t stop.
Well?Aster asked, oblivious to my plight.
I shook my head and tried to shake off the excess energy.“I don’t know what it is.I’m shaking like a leaf.I can’t write.”
Aster’s jaw stiffened.It seemed that was the only emotional expression he could make, but I didn’t know if he knew more than I did or was equally confused.Take a breath, then.Control yourself.
I took a breath and squared my shoulders and tried to start again, but my hands continued to shake.“It’s getting to me too much.I’m overwhelmed.”
This is your only chance to make it.The only thing you need to do.Keep going.
“Can’t you see I’m doing everything I can?”I hissed at him.
Stella, this isn’t working.I’m overwhelmed too, you know.
“You are?”
Yes, with the fact that I’ve done everything I can to craft a perfect novel with you, and nothing I do is enough.He turned to the other chair on the back patio and shoved it forcefully away.Then he planted his hands on his hips and faced me.Stella, give me an answer.Will you write this, or is it time for me to panic?
My throat was too tight for me to speak.
Don’t tell me you’re giving up after all this,he said, shaking his head.Just because those phantoms gave you a scare.Boo.I can scare you too, you know.Don’t listen to them.Don’t let them get to you.
