He held up his hand.Don’t look at me like that.We’re all going to die someday—isn’t that what they say?Now come on, I know of a field of flowers nearby we could escape to, just you and me.… Forget your writing.I’ll take care of you.You’ll live forever with me.You’ll have to.
Slowly I lifted my fingers from the keyboard and faced him with a horror I didn’t hide.“That was my project for the summer,” I said.“I came here to write that book.I was going to seek publication for that book.Someone was going to give me an award.This book was your entire job.”
Am I no more to you than a job?he asked.
My eyes stung with a promise of tears.“It’s why I summoned you,” I said.“It’s all I want to do.I’m sorry.”
Is there nothing I can do that will satisfy you?He sounded sad, but also angry.I pledged my existence to you, to helping you.We promised to stay together forever.We have a bond now, Stella, and I for one intend to honor it.If you don’t feel the same way, I...I don’t think I want to hear it.
I stood up and held my hands forward in an attempt to soothe him.“Of course I do,” I said.“You’re a living person.You’re much more important to me than a stupid book.I just thought we could work on that job.I know you don’t care for the book… but it matters to me, and this is the only time I have to complete it.”
Aster looked away in thought.He shook his head.
“Aster...”I started.
His face held the kind of look that could kill.Stella… I didn’t mean to do that.Not any of it.I only wanted to help you....Do you know what I did?
“You tried to do what you thought was the right thing,” I said.
I ruined the very project I meant to inspire,he said.I’m terrible.I’m a beast.A curse.A—betrayal of what I was supposed to be for you.
I drew a breath.
Don’t!he hissed, stiffening and pulling away from me.Don’t comfort me or say it’s all right.This is a problem.I’ve gotten carried away.One look at you and I lose my mind.And if you tell me that’s all right, then...I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.
Aster covered his face with his hands and walked away while I watched in silence.I wondered if I should comfort him despite his words or leave him alone.I had already forgiven him.For all he had done, he had shaped my views of writing, and I felt confident that anything he destroyed would come back stronger when I wrote it again.I could be flexible.
Then his shoulders relaxed.He lowered his hands.He was breathing heavily, forming a resolution in his mind that I braced myself to answer.Then he turned around.
I can’t work with you anymore.
I opened my mouth to argue, but a sigh escaped.
No, I can’t.I can’t think when I’m with you.It’s like there’s this other creature.This other person vying for control, and he takes over at the sight of your face, and I can’t help it.I need to go away.
“Where to?”I asked quietly.“Are you going to disappear like you came in?Can you do that?”
I don’t know.I don’t know what I am anymore.My abilities have all changed.
He sat on the couch.For the first time I could see the dark rings under his eyes.His growing humanity had scarred him already.
“Then stay here for now.”
No!
“Please,” I said.“We’ll stay out of each other’s way if you want.I’ll do my work, and you can look for somewhere else to go.But I won’t let you walk out of here alone.You don’t have anywhere else to go.”
And we won’t work together?
“Not if you don’t want to.”I stepped toward him.He flinched, but he didn’t get up and walk away.“You’re just stressed out with everything we’ve been doing.Let’s take it easy, okay?”
Yeah.Let’s take it easy.
I looked back at my laptop, and my heart filled with a blend of heaviness and frustration.Aster had warned me about this in the beginning.He didn’t want to get close to me.He didn’t want me to ask questions or learn more about him.If only I could have listened.
THE WRITER
Clouds coveredthe sky later in the afternoon, and by evening a heavy rain had started outside.Aster found a red and gray woven blanket from a storage trunk and wrapped it over his shoulders.He said the cold bothered him.For the rest of the evening he lay on the couch while I worked, sometimes appearing to sleep and at other times watching me silently with curious gray eyes.I gave him a tall glass of water and asked him if he wanted anything for supper, but he refused and appeared reluctant to speak to me.His recent existential crisis had altered his demeanor, causing him to withdraw and reflect, and I didn’t know how much time he wanted to recover.
