The lobby is mostly empty with a few people checking in. Dad and Carolynda are sitting on one of the couches, and Maisy is playing with her dragon princess at the coffee table near them.
Vivian and I take the chairs on either side. I want to move my chair so it’s right next to his, but that might look suspicious.
“We’re listening,” Vivian says, his chin raised like he’s ready for whatever blow they’re going to give us.
Dad chuckles. “It’s not bad news.”
“You could have fooled us.” I’m done tiptoeing around things. “What’s going on?”
Carolynda smiles at George. It’s obvious how much they love each other. Did Mom ever look at Dad like that? Not that I remember. “Go ahead, George.”
“We’re going to have a baby.”
I stare at him. I mean, I guess it makes sense except— “Why all the secrecy?” I ask, my voice loud in the small area.
Vivian’s eyes widen. Okay, I might need to take it down a bit. But it’s not easy. Everything they put Vivian through. Why?
“We’re thrilled, of course,” Vivian says, more diplomatically than I could have. “But you scared us. I thought—” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Hold on, Vivian.” I can’t let him brush this off like it’s nothing. “It does matter.”
He’s barely holding it together, and I wished like hell I could go to him. Hold him or at least hold his hand. Dad reaches for Carolynda’s hand, and I dwell for a minute on the unfairness of it all.
We didn’t ask for any of this? Not being stepbrothers, not this trip, and not falling in love. And that part might only apply to me. We can’t even display affection because it’s wrong somehow. Well, fuck that. But Vivian’s giving me his don’t-make-waves look. So, I take a breath. “It matters because you guys had a reason for not telling us. I’m tired of all the secrets.”
Carolynda raises a brow at that and…fuck. Does she know about us? Dad seems clueless. Thank fuck. She gives us a sad smile. “Last year, I had a miscarriage.”
“What?” Vivian stares at her. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
She shrugs, but it’s not offhanded. More like it’s too hard to explain. “We were so excited about the baby. We waited to tell anyone, just to be sure. We even had a name picked out: Daisy.”
George grabs the box of tissues on the table and hands her one. “We should have told you, but it was a tough time and hard to talk about.”
“That’s why you were so sad last summer?” Vivian asks his mom. His eyes well up, and he shakes his head. “I wish you would have told me.”
I stand and motion for the tissues. Dad hands me the box, and I pull out a few tissues, giving a couple to Vivian and keeping one for myself. He gives me a grateful smile. Once I’m back in my seat, I ask, “Okay, but what about now?”
Dad clears his throat. “We agreed to wait until we knew it was safe. That it wasn’t going to happen again.”
I just can’t. “We deserve to know what’s going on in this family. Even if it’s not good news.” Now that the barn door isopen, I can’t shut it again. “Do you know when I realized you and Mom were having problems?” People are turning to look at me, but I can’t stop the words from coming out. “The day she walked out on us.” I point to my chest. “On me.” I’m shaking with anger, and it’s not the time or the place, but I don’t care.
“None of that matters now,” Dad says in a calm voice that doesn’t match the redness of his face or the look in his eyes. “This is about Carolynda and the baby?—”
“George.” Carolynda squeezes his arm. She gives me a fond, almost motherly smile. “It matters. Of course it does. We were trying to spare you the pain we went through, but that wasn’t fair. You deserve to know what’s going on. And we were wrong to keep that from you.”
All my anger burns away, replaced by a sick feeling in my stomach. What gives me the right to judge them when Vivian and I are keeping our relationship a secret? When I’m still keeping things from my dad?
“I’m sorry.” My eyes dart to Vivian and then to my dad. “I guess I needed to get that out.” I laugh nervously. “I can’t say anything, really. I haven’t been honest with you, Dad.” Vivian’s eyes widen. Does he really think I would say something without asking him first? I shift in my seat. But nothing will make this easier. “I don’t want to be a farmer. I like what I’m doing, but even if I decide to do something different, it won’t involve a farm or livestock.”
My dad is quiet. Too quiet. I chance a look at him. He’s staring at his lap, and I can’t get a good read on him.
What the fuck was I thinking? Everyone is stressed, and I decide now’s a good time to tell him? Just because I feel guilty? “Dad?”
His eyes are sad when he looks up. Resigned. “I think I knew already. Just didn’t want to believe it. The farm has been in ourfamily for— It doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head. “I never want you to do something you don’t enjoy just to make me happy.”
I feel terrible, but also like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Vivian stands. “We really need to go. But I think we should all hug it out.”
I’m surprised Vivian’s the one suggesting it, but I’m not ready. I shake my head, but then Maisy runs over to him with a big grin on her face. “Me too?”
