Chapter Twenty
Jonah
I wish I were sober right now. Maybe then I could process Vivian’s words. Did he really admit to getting off while thinking about me?
Holy shit.
“What’s wrong, Jonah?”
I shake my head. “My brain’s melted. I’m afraid to believe it.”
He studies me. “You need proof?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I need. How can I get some of that?”
“Oh my God. You are too freaking adorable.”
Vivian raises up on his knees, so I have to tilt my head to look at him. And then he kisses me. This kiss isn’t as frantic as the others we’ve shared. He takes his time, brushing his fingers down my face. Down my neck. Touching my collarbone.
“Please, Vivian.” And now I’m begging.
“You understand we can’t—do much.”
He’s worried about me. It’s not something I expected from Vivian. But it makes me feel special. “What can we do?”
“Kiss,” he says, kissing me again.
“Kissing’s good. Really good.”
He places his hand on my chest. Can he feel how hard my heart is pounding? His fingers toy with the top button of my shirt. Unlike Vivian, I didn’t change after we returned from the bar. “Maybe some touching.”
I swallow. I’m burning up. And he’s teasing me. “Vivian.”
He smiles and pops the button open. His hand slips under my shirt. It’s cold from his drink, but that just makes it more exciting. He finds my hard nipple and pinches. Jesus Christ. I almost come in my pants.
“Vivian.” My voice is broken, needy.
He kisses me again, biting my bottom lip. “Why is everything more intense with you? I’m not sure this is a good idea. I really want to wait—but I really don’t want to at the same time.”
Then he backs away and holds up his hand to prove his innocence. Nothing about Vivian is innocent.
But it does get me thinking. “Have you done—” I wave my hand. “Itbefore?”
“Kissed a guy? Had sex? You need to be more specific, doll.” He gestures as he talks, and then he stops and raises a brow. “Submitted to someone?”
My face heats up. “That last one.”
He shrugs. “A few times. Although I’ve never found anyone I really clicked with.”
“Would you…?” Why is this so hard? I clear my throat. “Would you teach me what to do?”
“God, Jonah, I’d love to do that. You don’t even know. But we’d have to have rules. I mean, of course, those kinds of rules, but also rules about us.” He puts his drink on the end table and stretches out his arms. “I’m not really relationship material.”
I’m not sure I believe that, but I nod. “Casual. I mean, it’s not like we could actually be together. Our parents would never accept it.”
He sighs heavily and then smiles. “The first thing you need to know is that a lot of stuff on the internet is wrong. And porn is definitely wrong—unless you know where to look.”
“And you’ll show me where to look.”
