“I’ve talked to her, though. She’s…”
“Milly, look at me,” Grayson says. I huff and look up at him. “Molly is you. Every time you talk about something Molly feels or does, it’s you. You have never said one thing that Molly actually said to you. It’s always her feelings, or what happened to her, or what others say to her; it’s never what she says.”
“I’m crazy,” I say. “I’m crazy, and you said…”
“You are not crazy, Milly. I would never lie to you. You have a dissociative disorder. You have a panic disorder. You have hallucinations when you are stressed or triggered. All of it is stemming from severe complex post-traumatic stress disorder,” Grayson says. “You, Milly Pennington, are not crazy.”
“Is she gone?” I ask tearfully.
“Now that you have connected reality with your past, you will likely not experience it in the same way. When you are under stress or triggered, you may still cope in that way, but knowing puts you in control.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I ask. “Mom and Greg don’t say anything… I talk about her all of the time…”
“Honestly, because if everyone sees you as crazy, no one will believe you if you speak up about what Greg has been doing to you since you were eleven,” he tells me.
“That’s why he didn’t want Molly… Oh fuck,” I gasp. “That was me. He said he didn’t want me doing the marriage thing… Gray, I can’t… He will fucking kill me. I…”
“Slow down,” Grayson says gently as he takes my hands into his. “The entire society will be in this building shortly. Greg is a fucking asshole, but he isn’t an idiot. He will not do anything so long as others are around. The very moment the ceremony is done, you bring whoever it is to me, and we can explain together. It is very fucking important that he knows. You need support, and getting you out of that house and away from Greg is going to make a massive difference. By the end of our sessions, you are calm, happy, and coping. All you’ve ever needed was peace, and getting away from Greg is the peace you need.”
“What is the ceremony?” I ask.
“You don’t… Ah fuck…” Grayson says with a heavy sigh as he rubs his hands down his face.
“Sex,” Adam says from the doorway when Grayson doesn’t. I look over at him, and he says it again. “Sex. The submissive partner will get fucked by the dominant in front of The Society. You’ll only be as exposed as your dominant partner allows. Rarely does anyone do anything more than the minimum. Marriages in this society consist of public fucking.”
“I… Oh…” I say.
“What are you thinking?” Grayson asks.
“That I am going to be very sad if my perfect match has a small dick,” I say, and Grayson laughs. “You think I’m joking. I will be so disappointed.”
“You should know that I am in this tonight as well,” Grayson says carefully.
“You are getting married?” I ask.
“Yeah. It would look bad if the one who made the test didn’t take it,” he says. “Because of your journal entry, I wanted you to have time to process that.”
“Ah. So I don’t ugly cry like a crazy bitch in front of the entire society?” I ask. “I appreciate that.”
“That’s not what I said, and will you please stop calling yourself crazy?” Grayson asks with a sigh.
“I made up a fake sister to throw my trauma onto for what… fourteen years? I think that’s a bit insane,” I say. “It’s… Weird. It makes sense because it’s not like I can recall a conversation with Molly… But she felt real… I think when Greg caught me in the kitchen today, I felt like I was watching someone else get raped… I caught myself thinking that it looked like it did when Molly would get raped.”
“It’s going to take some time, but being away from Greg will help,” Grayson says. “Can we talk about your journal entry last night?”
“Fuck no,” I laugh.
“Milly,” he says simply.
“Gray,” I reply, crossing my arms over my chest in an act of defiance. Adam chuckles and leans against the wall.
“What’s up with you?” I ask curiously.
“Oh, I just find it amusing to see how he acts with a brat when he can’t do anything about it,” he says with a smile.
“Oh, you like to beat people, too?” I ask. “Has anyone ever slipped off a table when not in restraints?”
“Impact play is not beating, Milly,” Grayson says.
