Am I that…unsightly?
If I drive down this cliff, maybe I’ll find her at the bottom,then maybe she’ll tell me why she was that terrified when she saw me.
If I could go back, I’d lock the door so she wouldn’t see and decide to leave me.
I would be quiet—I’d be so quiet—even if it hurt. Even if I couldn’t breathe.
I would…saveher from seeing me like that.
My phone lights up, and I grab it with lethargic movements and a shaky hand.
Jude?
Maybe he needs to come find me or I’ll really drive this car over the cliff.
Instead of Jude, I see another name flashing on the screen. The one I so theatrically namedThe Fucker Who Blocked Me.
I should decline, but I swipe to accept, putting the phone on speaker because I can’t be bothered to lift it to my ear.
“You bought me a bike instead of talking to me?” he asks as soon as I pick up.
“Hmm.”
“Would it kill you to actually have a conversation instead of throwing money at me?”
“That’s all I have. Money.”
“You sound like my father.”
“Hello, daddy issues. Let’s start a support group.”
He pauses, and I think he’ll hang up and block me again. That’s what he’s been doing over the past two weeks.
Just getting on my fucking nerves.
He made me get used to the fuckery he started, then pulled the rug from beneath my feet.
I know I shouldn’t care. I’m the one who always pushed him away. I should be celebrating that he finally left me alone.
But over the past two weeks, I’ve been feeling so hollow, not even Lenin’s beating sessions have been able to fill the emptiness.
All because this prick erased me as if I never existed.
It fucked me up in ways I don’t fully understand. Yes, I know it’s my pathological attachment issues, but I shouldn’t have them for Marcus.
He’s anobody.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice losing the bite from earlier.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just having an awesome party with all the girls I fucked, which is a lot, by the way. Marcus who? Don’t know him.”
“You sound different.”
I chuckle, but even that takes too much energy. “I’m just high.”
“Where are you?”
“Are you gonna come find me? Wow. I’m so touched, I thought you preferred to block me.”
