Faking Forever With The Hockey Star
Page 121
Children hear truth differently.
What she hears isMaybe he is leaving.Maybe you should be worried. Maybe don't get attached.
And suddenly I've made everything worse.
I reach for her hand.
"Bug—"
"If hockey teams tell players where to go..."
Her voice is very small now.
"...what happens if they send him away from us?"
I close my eyes.
Briefly.
Because there are a hundred things I want to tell her.
-that Colby cares about us,
-that everything will work out,
-that people don't disappear when they matter.
The problem is that I've believed all those things before and so has she.
I squeeze her fingers.
"He hasn't gone anywhere."
"Yet."
The word nearly destroys me. Because that's not a child's fear.
That's experience talking.
That's abandonment talking.
That's Darren talking.
Not her father.
Not exactly.
But another man who promised he cared. Another man who left.
I pull her into my lap. She comes willingly. Which somehow hurts even more.
Her head rests against my shoulder. For a while we just sit there.
Snow is falling outside.
The family tree is still resting on the coffee table.
Then she whispers: "Will Colby leave too?"