“Let's go celebrate new beginnings, Lyra. We're both working toward fresh starts after some pretty hard times.”
Her smile at that is the one I've wanted so badly. It's that completely soft one that is lit up from the inside. The way her dimple pops and those green eyes sparkle is so breathtaking it makes my heart nearly stop.I am such a fucking goner for this woman, is all I can think as she puts her warm hand in mine.
Chapter 11
Lyra
There is such a maelstrom of emotions going on in me right now, that it's all I can do to silently take Taran's hand and let him lead me out onto the dance floor. I don't know whether to believe his lovely words, but if he’s lying he is one hell of an actor. I think he might be the first man that has made me feel like who I am is enough, and ok. I'm not the defiant daughter or annoying sister that needs to constantly keep myself in check with my dad and brothers. I'm not the awkward, anxious woman who doesn't really know how to date. I'm certainly not the difficult failure of a wife that I was for 6 years. Taran makes it seem like it's easy to truly like the full picture of me, in spite of and because of my many imperfections, and that has been a rarity in my life.
The cumbia music is pumping as we get to the dance floor. There is no hesitating this time, no feeling each other out. Taran brings me in close, my right hand threading with his left while his other hand splays low on my back. The music overtakes us as our hips rock in perfect rhythm, while our feet move seamlessly. Many, many fantasies areracing through my mind right now about how else our bodies could move so well together, and it takes a lot to stay grounded in the present. I'm completely swept up in his warmth, his wonderful smell, and the feel of being in his arms. His hand flexes on my back, and he brings me just a little closer, as if he can hear my thoughts.
“I haven't told you yet how gorgeous you look tonight, Firecracker,” he rasps in my ear.
“You look pretty fantastic yourself, Taran.” That’s an understatement. He’s drool worthy in those dark jeans and soft button down that gives me a peek of his tattoo again.
I feel him smile against my ear, and then he leans down to bury his face in my neck as we move into a slower song. His whole arm bands around my waist now even more tightly, and he lets out a hum of contentment. We sway like that for what feels like both an eternity and a millisecond before the pace picks back up. This one is even more energetic, and to my utter delight I'm able to keep up with Taran even though he is clearly more talented at this than me. We're both a little breathless, and he has just the slightest sheen on his face from both the heat and the exercise. He is looking at me with so much intensity that the entire rest of the bar seems to fall away. His arms tighten around me until we’re pressed together everywhere.
“Lyra, you have no idea what you do to me. Look at you with your cheeks all flushed and your curls all wild. Please tell me that you're willing to give this a shot when you're ready. Maybe it won't work out, but maybe it will. If it somehow doesn't it won't be because we want different things out of life. I think we've laid it all out clearly. We seem to understand each other really well.”
My heart is absolutely thrashing in my ribcage right now. I've never felt this wanted in my life. There's still apart of me that is completely certain this man will lie to me to get into my pants, cheat on me, or leave me. It's what several men in my family have done, and it's what Derek did to me. I can't ignore how Taran has been with me, though. He didn't run away when I talked about my disorder. We have very similar outlooks and goals in life that we've talked through already. His sincerity seems so genuine that I want to believe him.
“I want to give this a shot when my divorce comes through,” I tell him quietly, and he lets out a huge sigh of happiness. I pull back a little to look at him square in the eye to finish my thought.
“You have to understand that my trust is completely shot considering what happened with my ex, Taran. Please be patient with me as we build it, because it could frankly take a while. For the love of everything good, please always be honest with me and tell me what's on your mind. I can handle anything but lying and cheating. Everything else can be talked through. I promise I'll do the same.”
He just pulls me in closer again and whispers to me, his breath ghosting across my ear and making me shudder.
“I will never lie to you, Lyra. I'll never cheat. I promise I'll earn your trust and keep it for as long as you'll let me.”
I bury my face in his chest. “I’m holding you to that.”
He places my right hand on his shoulder, then tilts my chin up to place the sweetest kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“I really want to kiss you properly right now, Firecracker. The first time that happens though, you're going to be an officially single woman with nothing hanging over your head.”
I pop up onto my toes and kiss his cheek as I wind my arms around his neck.
“We do this right, and we take our time, if that's ok. I'm in no hurry."
“Of course it's ok with me,” he says.
Maybe it's the drink, maybe it's because he's got me a little hot and bothered after a dry spell, maybe it's just this easy connection between us, but I can't resist teasing him to get him a little worked up. He makes me feel confident enough to be a bit bolder than I normally am. I lean up to whisper in his ear, my fingers raking through the soft, dark tendrils curling at the nape of his neck.
“I promise I'll make it very worth the wait, Taran.”
I feel a tremor go through him, and when I pull back to look at him, his warm, toffee eyes are molten. He rests his forehead against mine and just stares at me for a beat before he parrots me.
“I’m holding you to that, Firecracker,” he breathes, the promise in his voice making my toes curl.
Then he presses a kiss to my forehead before he gathers me up as close as we can get. His face is buried in my neck again, and he has completely enveloped me as we keep moving to the music. It's our own music now, in our own private little world. I'm searching myself for guilt that I'm already moving on after a 9 year relationship. There’s also worry creeping in about whether I am using this as a rebound to assuage the pride that Derek wounded, because there is no getting around it. I can be a prideful, spiteful creature when I'm hurt, and it would be so easy to fully lean into this incredible ego boost Taran has given me without thinking through whether I'm doing it for the right reasons. It hits me how selfish I’ve been, because I’ve been very wrapped up in my head about Taran possibly hurting me. My difficult ass is certainly just as capable, if not more so, of hurting him. As I'm in his arms though, where he'sgently swaying me while softly humming in my ear, everything about this seems for the right reasons.
“Hey there, where'd you go? Need a water break?” Taran asks, his quiet questions bringing me back from my musings.
“Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts and loving how nice this has been. Water would be great,” I tell him honestly. We make our way back to the bar to get waters since the high tops are all full now. We're standing shoulder to shoulder.
“So what were you lost in thought about? You ok?” he asks
“You're going to need to get used to me being lost in my head sometimes. It's a very regular occurrence,” I tell him with raised eyebrows, daring him to get impatient with me or call me out about it the way Derek did.
