Yes, I could actually do that. Maybe I could even show him my designs and ask for his opinion. Perhaps they are actually good.
Kjell said they were great.
Kjell...
There it is again, that feeling like misty clouds, with the sun peeking through. That's exactly how it is with Kjell. Sometimes cloudy. But always so promising that I can't see the gray veils anymore.
"Is everything okay?" Lil reaches out her hand. "You don't have to, it was just an idea."
I gaze steadily at Lil. "How do you know if you can trust someone?"
She furrows her brow. "You mean Kahlo?"
I lower my eyes to my water, watching the movements of the surface and the moist shimmer it leaves at the edges. "No. I mean Kjell..."
Of course, Lil knows about him, just like Aurora. I told them both that we were together on Öland and that I never want to stop kissing him. That he changed my life—somehow. And that I constantly think about him.
"Is there trouble in paradise?"
I shrug. "I'm probably just imagining it." Hopefully that's the case. What we have is too beautiful not to be real.
My best friend moves closer to me. "What's wrong?" she asks lovingly, prompting me to tell her what happened during my visit to Abisko.
"What if he was eavesdropping?" I ask at the end. "What if he's somehow spying on me?"
My God, I sound as paranoid as Father. Nevertheless, the thought won't leave me alone.
"To do what?" Lil taps her chin thoughtfully with her index finger. "What would he gain from it?"
"That's the thing. I have no idea." I've thought about this question more than once. "Maybe he's just naturally distrustful?" That would be understandable given what he went through with his parents.
What if he just wants to make sure he can trust me?
"You've never lied to him," Lil responds, shaking her head. "Have you?"
"Not about a single thing." I don't need to say that that's actually way too much. Lil knows as well as I do how difficult it will be to convince Father that Kjell is trustworthy.
That will be the real challenge when he wakes up. Not the new path I've taken forTouch av lyx, but the fact that I let a man into my life.
Father will freak out. And he won't believe that I have it under control. That nothing bad will happen, even though I've fallen in love.
Because this is different. Kjell makes everything better. He makesmebetter.
Or is it just what I want to believe? What if he's playing a wicked game with me, and I can't see it because of the hearts in my eyes?
"Oh God, what if he goes to the press with what he now knows about me?" I cover my mouth with my hands. If he does that, everything would be over.
My only chance would vanish into thin air.
I would have to leave the world I love so much and where I'm just beginning to find my footing once again. This time, maybe for good, and perhaps without the comforts my father granted me the first time around.
Lil strokes my back. "Why would he do that? He has no reason to," she replies in a gentle tone.
That's true, he doesn't. But he's a photographer, and he probably has many friends in the media. "What if he unintentionally let some information slip?"
When he's out with his friends, for example. They could pick up details, speculate, and suddenly I'm on the front page of a newspaper.
My throat tightens even further.
