In a drug-induced haze.
It's incredible that I'm experiencing this feeling completely sober now!
Yes, he lies there defenseless before me. He can neither reprimand nor chastise me, nor can he show me the disappointment I fear so much.
Nevertheless, I've achieved a small victory—not over him but over my perpetual fear of not living up to his expectations.
"I followed my instincts. I was compassionate," I add with newfound courage, fully aware he would send me to hell for these words if he were conscious. "During the meeting, I spoke to the employees as if we were friends. 'In Milan, I made a terrible mistake,' and I said it so loudly that even the janitors in the back row could hear. 'Today, I'm here to make amends for that mistake. For my father, who can't be with us, but most importantly, for all of you.'"
In my imagination, a furrow of anger forms between his brows.You apologized?
"I did," I reply firmly. "And I also told them that I'm lost without them. ThatTouch av lyxis lost without them." Because it's the truth. These people, no matter what they do for the company, are the most important.
Not me. I'm just a part, doing my best like everyone else.
You've lost your mind, Father now answers his own question from earlier.What did I do wrong to make you do this to me?
What he hurls at me inside my head pains me deeply in my chest. Because I know what he'll criticize next, and I don't want to hear it.
"It was a success, Father," I quickly reply and nod vigorously. "Everyone wants to participate. Well, everyone except Kahlo." He just stared at me the whole time, shaking his head. Arms tightly crossed, repeatedly snorting in annoyance. As soon as the meeting was over, he disappeared.
Pfff,Father scoffs grumpily.Those deceitful lot. They played along with you, and as soon as you left the room, they gossiped about you instead of working.
Is that how he thinks of his employees? That's... terribly disrespectful.
"You know, we don't have to agree. Let's just see how things unfold," I say, trying to sound composed but with a significant amount of fear in my gut.
Yes, the employees applauded me. They nodded in agreement after I asked for their help. And except for Kahlo, they all reacted positively to my idea of participating in the competition. If they hadn't thought it was a good idea, we wouldn't be submitting a design. That's exactly what I told them, and they still agreed.
They didn't pretend, did they?
Don't be so foolish, Sky, whispers Father inside my head.Don't do this to me. Not again.
I swallow hard but can't shake the thought that he might be right. The strength I felt just moments ago, burning inside me like a roaring fire, turns into a trembling flame. And the way Father is now fixating on me in my imagination feels like a strong gust of wind that extinguishes it instantly.
What is wrong with you? Why are you behaving so irrationally?he probes.
Stupid. Irrational. The words echo within me. It's not the first time he's used them.
Ah, yes, I knew it. His lips thin into a tight line.Another year, the same mistake, he says with disappointment.
"No, you can't compare it to back then." My voice quivers like parchment paper. "Kjell is different. He doesn't want anything bad for me, not at all. He doesn't pressure me into anything; I make the decisions myself."
Father turns his gaze away from me.I have important matters to attend to.
Instinctively, I reach for his hand. "No, please, don't go."
Silently, he closes his eyes in my imagination. Helpless to bring him back, I watch as darkness engulfs him.
I'm left alone in a silence interrupted only by the beeping of the heart monitor, with Father lying motionless in bed before me and his warm hand in mine.
"No, no, no," I murmur in despair because I don't want his words to poison my thoughts.
Yes, Kjell is changing me into a different person. But he is not Levi. With Levi, I crashed; with Kjell, it feels like I'm finally flying again.
He is good for me, I know that for sure. And nothing Father could say or do will change that.
