Suddenly, a realization starts to creep up on me. Until now, I've never once questioned my life.
"What if everything I've always believed in isn't true?" Like my conviction that I was to blame for my parents' divorce. Like my dream of one day co-leadingTouch av lyxwith my father.
And just like my conviction that love would make me blind and foolish.
What if none of the things I've clung to all my life are really true?
What if Kjell was right?
What if hiding forever is not the best solution after all?
My parents didn't divorce because of me, I know that for sure now.Touch av lyxis great, but I've never had a passion for the business side of it. It's the fashion itself that fascinates me. The fabrics, the colors.
The designing!
Wait a minute.
How long have others dictated what I should and shouldn't do? Imposing on me what to dream of and what to fear.
What to show and what to hide.
Oh. My. God.
"Kjell was right," I say, realizing it just now. Regardless of what he did, he was right about one thing from the beginning. "Only the truth matters."
And my truth is not my father's.
Lil's smile widens. "So are you giving him a chance?"
The turmoil inside me won't let me sit still any longer. "Should I?"
She shrugs again.
I pace back and forth in the bedroom. A thousand thoughts race through my mind, a mix of memories that stir up all the feelings at once.
Heart palpitations, warmth, fear.
Longing. Freedom. Trust.
And suddenly, guilt too.
I abruptly stop. "He wanted to explain everything to me, but I refused to listen."
Instead, I preferred to concoct my own version of reality, driven by the panic of how my father would react when he found out I'd gotten involved with a journalist. Dammit. Not only did Kjell make a mistake, but I did too! By blindly assuming that he was only after my story.
"Go to him," Lil says. "Talk to him."
"He won't talk to me," I reply, and tears well up in my eyes at the same moment.
Because I know it's true.
What if he never would have published a word about me as long as I didn't want him to?
If all he ever wished for was that I could live a life without constraints.
Who are you?he asked me incredulously when I tore into him mercilessly without giving him a chance.
What if he really did everything just for me? Then he must be deeply hurt now.
