Chapter 41
Sky
I open the wardrobe, take out the stack of jeans, and hand them to Lil.
She hesitates before taking them. "Are you sure you really want to do this?"
As if I have a choice. "I have no future here," I reply. I try to lift my shoulders, but they feel too heavy. "I've failed, Lil. Once again," I say, nodding toward the open suitcase on the bed. For five days, I've tried unsuccessfully to convince my father. It's over.
Clutching the stack of jeans to her chest, Lil looks at me with empathy. "But nothing has actually happened," she counters. "Your father brought Kahlo back toTouch av lyx, the company is doing great, especially because of what you've achieved in the last few months. And Kjell..."
Sighing, I take the jeans back from her and carry them to the suitcase myself. "The fact that no article has been published so far means nothing." Why else would he refuse to sign the nondisclosure agreement if not because he intends to go public with the story? "When the bomb explodes, I need to be gone."
"So your father can claim that it's all made up?" Lil passionately places her hands on her hips.
I walk to the wardrobe. "A large part of it probably is. These reporters exaggerate every little detail to the extreme." My stomach turns at the thought of what will become known about me.
Lil sits down on the bed next to the suitcase. "But you two, you were so in love."
"He was just pretending to get close to me," I reply firmly. Even though it hurts to say it, it's the truth.
"Mm-hmm," she says thoughtfully, as I place the basic T-shirts next to the jeans in the suitcase.
Next, I open the sock drawer. "Whatmm-hmm?"
"I don't know," I hear her say. "What if everything is completely different?"
Nonsense. It's exactly as it is. I grab as many over-the-knee socks as I can and put them in the suitcase. "Stop it, Lil, that only makes it worse."
"I just mean..." She raises her eyebrows meaningfully. "What if he was the love of your life..."
"Now that's enough," I snap at her more forcefully than intended. "First, he interrogated me. And then he tried to get me to go public with my story. He kept pushing me over and over again, pretending it was all about me."
Only now can I see it in the right light. His pursuit of the truth, which also drove me further and further. And all the while, he was lying to me.
"But without him, you would never have reconciled with your mother," she gently reminds me.
"That's true." More than once, Kjell has encouraged me to face the open questions I might have otherwise run away from my entire life.
He was there for me, kissed away my tears, offered his hand for a dance, and held me when I lost my balance.
It felt so real. So pure. So true.
I should be continuing to pack, but I sit down beside Lil on the bed instead.
She puts her arm around my shoulders. "And wasn't he, in a way, the one who saved our friendship too?"
I rest my much too heavy head on her shoulder. I think back to find the moment that not only led to my reconciliation with Lil but also to the new unity with the staff.
"He was," I murmur thoughtfully. "Although he never suggested I should talk to you. Still, it's thanks to him."
Lil continues to stroke my upper arm. "Sometimes we're so convinced of something that we don't even question why that is."
There's truth in that.
Once again, Kjell's voice is in my head.My childhood was one big lie, he tells me, just like he did in Milan.
"What if my childhood was also a lie?" I ask.
