Abruptly, she stops. "I loved you infinitely."
Oh God, no, she shouldn't say something like that. And my heart shouldn't react with this intense pounding.
As if that weren't bad enough, she now reaches for my hands. "I wasn't lying earlier. Everything I did, I did it for you. I was convinced of it."
I pull my hands back and scrutinize her in the glow of the streetlamp. Even though I can't detect the slightest hint of a lie on her damn beautiful face, I don't want to believe her.
If she had truly loved me as she claims, she would never have left me. She would have known it would destroy me.
"After our"—she swallows hard—"loss, our world shattered," she explains with a firm voice as if I didn't know that already. Determination clenches her fists. "Idid that to you, Maxime." She presses her index finger against her chest. "Ikilled your baby."
"Miscarriages happen much more often than you think." I cross my arms.
Her vehement shaking of the head silences me. "I destroyed your dream. What kind of person would have taken your other dream away from you too?" she continues, undeterred.
What does she mean? Dancing? "Well, I have news for you. That's exactly what you did."
She exhales shakily. "You don't dance anymore?"
How could I? Does she really believe I could take a single dance step without thinking of her? My once great dream lost its meaning the day she left me, but that's not what this is about.
"You're deflecting." I sound harsher than I intend, but it helps me get through this conversation.
Her thumbs press hard against the nails of her little fingers. I see the panic in her eyes although she's doing everything to hide it from me. "I saw you dance the final dance with Alice in Lyon. And that's when I knew..."
The mambo.
Ourdance.
Was she jealous? Did she think I was having an affair? Is that why she left?
"You practically pushed me to dance with her!" Anger surges in me once again. "I did only what you wished for."
"I wished it for you, not for myself," she retorts with a shaky voice, and at that moment, I begin to understand.
She lied to me. She never wanted me to dance with anyone else but her, while I genuinely thought we were finally starting to be honest with each other.
"After everything that happened, didn't you understand that it wasn't the dancing but you alone who mattered most to me?" I find myself yelling with frustration. "Our love... Our dream of a family..."
Suddenly, she covers her mouth with her hand. Her fingers tremble uncontrollably. She crouches down and leans against the lamppost.
I can sense that she needs comfort, but I don't want to give it to her. She abused my trust, took control of my life, and left me with a pitiful "I'm sorry." Did she ever leave any decision to me?
"Dancing was all you had left. And I couldn't do it anymore. I felt too strongly that you couldn't fulfill that dream with me," she says, fighting back.
What does she mean? Of course, we would have tried again as soon as she was ready. We agreed on that, didn't we? Or did she lie to me in this regard too?
Who is this woman crouching before me, pretending she didn't willingly leave this life behind? Did I ever truly know her?
"Why not?" I hear myself ask. I massage my temples with effort. My question is straightforward, but she doesn't answer. "What's wrong?" I can't believe I'm doing this, but I shake her arms because I can't bear it any longer. "Just spit it out, Aurora."
She opens her eyes. "The memories overwhelmed me with every dance step, and it wouldn't have stopped," she whispers in a choked voice as if that explains everything. "You wanted it so much." Her lips tremble, her eyes plead for deliverance. "Maybe one day, we could have trained again. But even at our first competition, it could have happened again, and I couldn't bear to disappoint you once more."
I sink down onto the cool pavement of the path. My hands slide off her arms. Countless thoughts flutter through my mind simultaneously, but I can't grasp a single one.
Isthisthe reason she ran away?
"If I had told you about my fear, you would have stayed with me." She sounds harsh and unyielding. "I couldn't let you lose your dreams because of me."
