"Mm-hmm," I mumble, chewing, and smile at her sheepishly. I don't really like talking about my family; there's no place for sad stories at this table.
"And you even have three siblings," Lisette happily continues. "That's typical for Italy, isn't it? Family comes first. You must miss them."
At the mention of the topic, my stomach tightens. Not only because it reminds me that those times at home are long gone but also because it makes me think of my own loss.
Maxime and I could have started a family next year. By now, my belly would be noticeably rounded. Right at this moment, I would be sitting at Camilla's dining table, savoring her homemade panettone and talking with her about the crazy miracle growing inside me. Alessia's fingers would constantly reach for my belly, patting it while she sang traditional Christmas songs loudly.
I struggle to push these thoughts back where they can't weigh on me.
Thankfully, Maxime clears his throat. "We'll visit them soon," he says, addressing his mother.
"Oh, does that fit into your training schedule?" she asks her son as if she doesn't notice my mood and cuts a tiny piece from her roast.
I lower my gaze to my plate, suppressing the nausea that rises in me.
"Just for one night," Maxime says, and if I didn't know better, I'd believe him unconditionally.
Crazy how perfectly he can play along with his mother's sunshine weather.
Crazy, but good. Gratitude washes over me. He not only took this conversation away from me but also handles it exceptionally well.
For a moment, I dare to look up. Lisette reaches for her glass. "Amid all your commitments, don't forget to enjoy your happiness," she lovingly reminds us, taking such a small sip of her wine as if she couldn't allow herself more than one glass for the whole evening.
"No worries." Maxime wraps his arm around me, and I give him an affectionate smile. "We will."
"Oh, how beautiful you look together." Lisette's eyes glimmer with nostalgia. She sets down her cutlery and pushes the plate aside. "Your children will be adorable, I can already tell."
Her statement hits me like a rocket explosion. I flinch, and Maxime's grip on my shoulder tightens.
Confused, Lisette looks back and forth between us. "You do want children, don't you?"
"Um…" Maxime seems just as lost for words as I am, and right now, I'm not sure if it was right to keep Lisette in the dark about what happened.
If she knew, Maxime could have asked her not to bring up the subject, and she would have gladly avoided it.
"Of course, we do." Maxime turns his mouth upward. "At least three, right?" he then asks me.
I think so. Yes.
I haven't really thought about it before, but now I realize that the idea feels warmly comforting in my chest. One day, when I feel ready, I do want to try again.
"Maybe even four," I reply with a smirk, causing Maxime's eyes to shine brighter than ever before.
"That would be fantastic," he whispers, and that alone shows me how much my words mean to him.
"A big family, how wonderful," Lisette chimes in, raising her wineglass. "To both of you."
We follow suit, clinking our glasses together and taking sips. As the robust taste of the red wine spreads across my tongue, Maxime's mother gets up to clear the empty plates.
Maxime leans toward me. "Whenever you're ready," he whispers in my ear. He's full of anticipation, probably wanting to start right away.
I didn't realize how important having his own family was to him until now. Lost in thought, I gaze at the candle flameflickering beside me, imagining what it would be like to celebrate Christmas with my own family.
Three dark-haired angels bearing Maxime's features and gazing at me with their round eyes. With bright laughter, hair scented with strawberry shampoo, and tiny hands reaching for me.
The picture is so beautiful that tears suddenly fill my eyes. I turn to Maxime, looking at him conspiratorially.
"Maybe very soon," I say, and that alone is enough to make him smile blissfully.
He lovingly strokes my cheek. "I can't wait."
"Hopefully, you've saved some room for the Bûche de Noël," Lisette calls from the mini kitchen, but neither Maxime nor I can react.
We have delved into our own world, where we silently make each other the greatest promise of all.
