It's not that simple. "Superficially, everything is fine. But beneath that surface, we've become strangers to each other." Yes, that's it. We kiss, we talk to each other, we live together. Everything is as it was, with one difference: a transparent wall has been erected between us. It's paper-thin and completely invisible. Without scratches and without blemishes.
"Why don't you talk to her about it?" David asks.
I've tried. Multiple times, actually, but I've always failed. I've failed myself, but also against her relentless fighting spirit.
I should be stronger and braver.
"She just needs time, that's all," I say because that's what she claims every time. Then she kisses me tenderly, yet it feels different from before.
"Does she know that time is running out?" David asks, hitting right on my wound.
Silently, I shake my head.
With a meaningful grunt, he stands up from the training bench. "Alright, let me sum it up," he says and reaches for the dumbbells again. "She doesn't want to train, and basically, you have no idea why." His legs find a shoulder-width stance. "You're hiding from her that your future together is about to vanish into thin air." He lifts the dumbbells laterally with his arms extended. "And now you wonder why something is standing between you?"
Perhaps from his perspective, it all seems logical. If I weren't in this situation myself, I would probably see it the same way.
But this is not a question of black or white. It's about shades of gray that scare me.
"If I tell her, everything might get even worse," I reply. Isn't it my duty to keep any additional burdens away from her that could weigh her down? If I can't help her in any other way, I should at least do that, right?
While David continues his exercise, he raises an eyebrow. "And if you continue like before, will everything get better?"
Once again, I bury my face in my hands.
This just can't be true.
But it is. And I feel that I can no longer put it off.
"You're right; something needs to change," I admit. But at the same time, I lack any idea of how I could make that happen.
