"I'll dispose of it." He hastily hides the hairpin behind his back and forces a smile.
"No, I want to keep it." I need to confront what happened, and this hairpin will help me with that.
He looks at me uncertainly, as if not knowing what to do for a moment. As if he has to fight a battle within himself. "Come on, there's a surprise waiting for you at home," he says painfully, and I can't help but wonder if he won or lost his internal struggle.
In any case, I don't want him to smile at me like that, and he shouldn't be kind to me. He shouldn't pretend that there's nothing for him to hate me for. And most importantly, he shouldn't act as if the sun is still shining somewhere in this world.
But I don't say anything. I have no right to. So I nod briefly and reach for the backpack, which he immediately takes from me as if I couldn't carry it myself.
Silently, I follow him to the reception, sign some papers, and allow myself to be directed to the waiting taxi.
"Rue Lisle 24," I hear Maxime say firmly as we take our seats in the back. Then he puts his arm protectively around me.
Fortunately, he doesn't try to cheer me up during the ride. Maybe he understands that it's impossible anyway. Even when we arrive and climb the stairs together, he says nothing.
He opens the apartment door and signals me to enter with a strained smile. "Welcome home."
I try to at least lift the corners of my mouth. "Thank you," I whisper tonelessly and step inside the two-room apartment.
The first thing I see is the clothesline with photos of my family in the hallway. Then I spot my favorite pillow, the cozy blanket, and on the dresser next to the TV, our memory box. I peek into the bedroom. Behind the half-open closet door, my sweaters and T-shirts are neatly arranged.
"Do you like it?" Maxime wraps his arms around me from behind. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll get it right away."
A mountain of guilt piles up inside me. I'm sure he didn't sleep a wink the past two nights organizing the move of my belongings from Sky's apartment to this place.
He gently rests his chin on my shoulder. His cheek brushes mine. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk to anyone, well, Sky, I mean, or anyone else." He pauses as if he doesn't know what he's getting at. "You're safe here. You decide who you want to see and when."
That's so incredibly sweet of him that tears immediately begin to well up in my eyes. I turn around, bury my face in his chest, and let my emotions flow freely.
He does nothing but hold me tight.
"It's my fault," I eventually utter with a choked voice. Saying it out loud makes it real. It hurts, but I have to endure it.
"No. You mustn't think that way, Aurora." He starts gently rocking me back and forth. "You did nothing wrong."
Oh yes, I did. We both know that. Why can't he just admit it?
Instead of asking him that question, I nod silently against his chest. I don't have the strength to contradict him.
He pulls me slightly away from him and uses his index finger to lift my chin. "I love you," he says.
Why?
How can he love me when I've destroyed everything we ever dreamed of?
I bite my tongue to drown out the pain that spreads throughout me. "And I love you."
Suddenly, his face lights up as if the sun has risen within him. And once again, my guilt devours me. He does everything for me, and for two days, I've been wallowing in my pain without giving anything back to him.
"I'm sorry," I say, looking firmly into his eyes.
He takes my face in his hands. "There's nothing you need to apologize for." His gaze is so intense that, for a moment, I even believe he truly means it even though it seems impossible.
I open my mouth to disagree with him, but then I close it again without saying anything.
Pull yourself together, Aurora. Haven't you alreadydone enough to him?
"How will things go from now on?" Even though I don't say it out loud, he probably knows what I'm referring to. Two days ago, we lost two dreams at once. Irreversibly. "The academy..."
