Chapter 25
Aurora
Dim veils of mist lay over the city. The exhaust fumes from the rushing cars pollute the air. Clutching my yoga bag tightly, I stroll along the street. Like many of the people coming my way, I bury my face in my woolen scarf. It would have been better to put on gloves, but my bare fingers are exposed to the damp cold as I reach into my pocket to dial Vico's number.
We last spoke on the phone about three months ago when I moved here. I tried to reach him only once, but he neither picked up nor called back. I'm sure he's as busy as I am. However, I have ten minutes before my yoga class, and I want to use this time.
It rings.
I maneuver through a group of businessmen engaged in animated discussion.
He doesn't pick up.
Once again.
Thoughtfully, I gaze at the city lights. I'm starting to worry. Is something wrong with him?
"Hey," my brother says. "Sorry for not calling back. It's been so hectic here."
I grunt in agreement. "Yeah, here too. But tell me about yourself first."
"I finally found a coach, Matteo. He trains the biggest names in the scene," he shares with excitement. I can envision his eyes gleaming and his cheeks glowing.
"That's fantastic," I reply with equal enthusiasm. Seeing him so happy is not something to be taken for granted. He has always tried not to show me how much our mother's death affected him. But I know. Among all of us, he lost his footing the most.
"Next spring, I can participate in my first competitions." His voice overflows with excitement. He's always loved adrenaline, but now, diving from the highest cliffs of Italy, that's something new.
My brother continues chattering cheerfully. He talks about his training schedule, the camper he bought, and the joy of freedom that comes with his new life.
Vico is so full of enthusiasm that it almost seems exaggerated. The longer I listen, the stronger the feeling that his euphoria is just a cover-up for something he doesn't want me to see.
"And what's going on with you?" he suddenly asks after his monologue, catching me off guard with his question.
"Just on my way to yoga." Actually, that's the least important thing to report. "Training is going great; next week, we'll be dancing at the French Championships," I quickly add, feeling my heartbeat quicken.
"So you have a new dance partner?" he asks.
Now would be a good moment to tell Vico about the significant changes in my life. Instead, I mumble in agreement.
When I share the news of my pregnancy with my family, I should look them in the eyes. It's too important to discuss over the phone. "I'll be coming home for Christmas. Will you be there too?" I ask in a deliberately casual tone. He doesn't answer. I take the phone away from my ear to check the display for technical issues. Everything seems normal; he should still be on the line. "Vico?"
"Um...," he clears his throat extensively. "I can't."
"Why?" Christmas is one of the most important holidays. The whole family celebrates together.
The whole family.My chest tightens on the spot. It reminds me once again that it will never be the same. The whole family doesn't exist anymore.
Tears well up inside me. Oh God, not again.
"Well, Matteo suggested that we, uh, that we train in the Azores." Even though I can't see him, I just know that he's nervously rubbing his hand against his jeans. "We'll fly on the twentieth of December and won't return to Italy until early January."
This can't be serious. I stop and lean against the cold wall of a residential building. My nose starts to swell. "But we were supposed to..."
Saying goodbye to him was difficult. The thought of seeing each other again at Christmas was comforting. And now, he doesn't even want to come home at all?
"What's really going on?" I continue, still fighting back tears. There's something, I know it.
"Nothing. Cliff diving is just essential, Aurora. My future depends on me focusing on training right now," he urgently assures me. "I don't need to explain this to you, surely. You know how competitive sports work."
