A tear forms in the corner of his eye. Without blinking even once, it falls, leaving a glistening trail down his sunken cheek. "My friends claimed her nose was crooked. And her eyes were too big. But to me, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever met," he says, so full of melancholy that my heart clenches. "I was blinded by love, deafened by enthusiasm, and paralyzed by longing."
That's not the answer to my question. It's a declaration of love that reminds me all too vividly of what I feel for Hanna. I'm about to repeat my question, but he raises his hand to silence me.
"Any attempt to keep me away from her would have failed." A wistful smile flits across his face. "She was the love of my life."
My God, I know that already. Not for nothing did he bury all his joy of living with her. I sink to my knees before him. "If you could undo everything, the good and the bad times, would you do it?" I plead. I have to hear it from him. I have to hear how much he regrets giving in to his feelings.
But instead of answering me, he shrugs slightly. Then he reaches for the pen. "She was the love of my life," he repeats.
Is that a yes? Is he telling me that despite his grief, he wouldn't want to miss the time with my mother? Can that be serious, or has he lost his mind?
I need to stop interpreting his words in a way that suits me. He hasn't answered me, so I have to find my own. That's the only thing I can say for sure.
Dejectedly, I hand him the pen. "On each page, bottom right, and all the way at the end under the line where your name is." I sound a bit like a robot as I relay the instructions from thelawyer. But I have no choice if I want to keep my emotional turmoil in check.
He signs one page after another in the first contract without even looking at the clauses. It takes what feels like an eternity for him to reach the last page. He puts the pen down and traces the line of his name. Immediately after, he breaks into a piercing sob, a torrent of tears that should actually provide me with every answer I still need.
