The job. She got the offer. I feel nauseous.
"What if I could maybe still make a difference for my brother?" she asks me earnestly.
Does she really think she can accomplish more than all the doctors in the world? I admire her fighting spirit, but isn't it unrealistic to believe that she alone could find the key to his addiction?
Besides, she just moved in with me. She wanted to stay in Tyrol. Everything was good.
I don't know what to say. Not a single word leaves my mouth. The waiting room, with its withered plants and discontented patients, blurs before my eyes.
"I'm in the final round of selection for a neurology position. All I have to do next week is attend an interview with the hospital board. Apparently, it's just a formality because I already have the vote of my future boss." She reaches for my hands. "In two months, I could start my specialization training in Vienna."
Everything around me starts to spin.Don't leave me,I want to shout.You're my light, I want to tell her. But I can't, it wouldn't be fair.
"Come with me." She smiles at me, her lips trembling. "I'll pursue my training, and you could work in emergency services. There are even open positions right now. We could live on the outskirts of the city, surrounded by greenery."
So she has also thought about how we could merge our lives so that we don't have to give up on each other. But there's something she doesn't realize. Something she can't know because I've never told her. And there are no notes about it in Helene's medical records because the condition was diagnosed during my childhood at Innsbruck University Hospital and doesn't cause me significant problems. At least not as long as I breathe clean air.
I bite my lip, knowing that it's time to lay my cards on the table. To face the consequences, whatever they may be. "I suffer from bronchial hyperreactivity."
All her facial muscles give in at once, her radiant light extinguishes. "You can't live in the city. Not even nearby," she says soberly. "That's why you've been having coughing fits since we arrived here."
Now, I'm the one who can't look into her eyes any longer. I lower my gaze and bury my face in my hands. "I'm so sorry, Elina."
Me too, she's about to say. Orwell, that's probably it for us.
But she remains silent. "No. We can't let that happen," she whispers eventually, her voice choked.
I pull her close, holding her as tightly as I can. I don't care about the disapproving glances of the waiting patients. "Since you can remember, you've dreamed of becoming a successful doctor." The wordsI'm not worth giving up that dream for meget stuck in my throat. Yet I should say them. She needs to know that her happiness is far more important than mine.
"Not just that," she replies with a soft voice. "Just as much, I've always longed for a love as pure and grand as ours."
A single tear threatens to escape from the corner of my eye. "What should we do?" I ask, my voice choked. "Have a long-distance relationship?"
She shakes her head. "With the schedules of a resident doctor, it's nearly impossible. We would hardly see each other."
A dreadful thought. "So we only have two months?"
Silence fills the space between us. Neither the buoyant background melody from the speakers nor themuffled voice of the receptionist reaches us. I don't know what to think. I have no idea what could happen next.
"What if I stay in Tyrol?" Elina asks.
No. Even if I can continue to keep the past hidden from her, she will regret this decision one day. And then it will be too late to pursue her dream. "You can't miss this opportunity."
A gentle smile forms on her face. "When it comes to your happiness, no one is wiser than you. You explained that to me during our boat ride, remember?"
That's true. "But..."
She places her finger on my lips. "I'll find a solution," she says with conviction.
How does she do it? How can she believe in a future together where we can both have everything we want?
My God, she needs to know the truth. She needs to know what kind of person she's getting involved with.
"If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that you can achieve anything," I reply nonetheless because it's true. And because I don't want to stop hoping that she can do it this time too.
She nods with a proud expression. Then she snuggles against my shoulder. "We could..."
"Elina Gross," suddenly echoes from the speaker.
