"I believe Julian was already sick before the accident. Something was wrong with his stomach. He was in pain. Very often," I say in a gentle voice because this is surely not easy for her. "You remember that, don't you? You even prescribed him stomach pills."
Out of nowhere, she bursts into tears. She jumps up from her chair, covers her face with her hands, and walks to the window. In the light of the sporadic sunrays, I see her entire body shaking.
Awkwardly, I step beside her. I had expected many things, but not this. Since I can't think of anything better, I pull her into my arms and gently stroke her back to comfort her.
"I'm so sorry," she suddenly bursts out. "It's all my fault."
What does she mean by that? Why does she suddenly feel responsible for her son's death?
I look around for Elina, who watches us with the splint in her hand. She responds to my questioning gaze with a sad nod.
I can't believe it. "No one is to blame for his death," I say with conviction.
Elina approaches, leaning on the crutches. She lovingly strokes Helene's upper arm. "Even the best doctor in the world would never have suspected an aortic aneurysm with Julian's symptoms."
So it was an aortic aneurysm. It must have ruptured during his accident. No wonder his vital signs were so poor, and he immediately lost consciousness.
With her face buried in my shoulder, Helene shakes her head. "I should have recognized it."
Even though I don't know much, one thing is certain: She's wrong. "Julian always downplayed his complaints. He never let us see how sick he actually felt."
That's just how he was. Even my best friend wasn't perfect. Like every other person, he had his flaws.
"If he didn't want to eat, he always claimed he had just stuffed himself at your place," Helene says, detaching herself from my embrace and thoughtfully touching her forehead. "And once, I caught him dragging himself up the stairs with a painedexpression on his face. He said a long hike would strain his legs too much."
Julian always had an excuse ready, that's true. As Helene talks about it, several situations come to mind when I should have been suspicious myself.
In the next few minutes, we collectively gather more memories. We smile, we laugh, and we cry at the experiences that come to mind. It feels good to let it all out, and for the first time ever, I feel inner peace when I think of Julian.
"You see, you didn't stand a chance," Elina says soothingly to Helene half an hour later, then she gazes at me intently. "And neither did you."
I know that. After months of being weighed down and tormented by guilt, I finally feel free.
It's all thanks to Elina that I am myself again.
I turn to the woman who means the world to me and kiss her so tenderly that we both lose our breath. When I pull away, her cheeks are rosy. I can't help but kiss her once again exactly where her skin glows because of my presence.
With all the love in my heart that I can feel again because of this woman, I turn to Helene once more.
"Let's start anew." I reach out my hand. "Hello, I'm Noah."
With a wistful smile and a sniffing nose, she places her hand in mine. "Helene. I'm pleased to meet you."
