Did she really just say that?
I spin around. "Well, that's something new." The sarcasm in my voice is unmistakable.
"What's going on with you, anyway?" She tilts her head to the side inquisitively. "Even though you're supposed to be in Geneva, you suddenly show up in the middle of the night. You look like a zombie, and you're acting as if someone sucked all the feelings out of you." She scrutinizes me intently. "What happened, Maya?"
As if she cares. "That's none of your damn business," I deliberately repeat her words from earlier.
"Let me help you," she adds, to top it all off, coming closer to me. "Tell me what's going on."
Absolutely not. I shake my head. I can't talk about it. There's only one way to deal with it.
Bury the memory deep inside me and build walls that I can't overcome.
"I'm always here for you." She wraps her arms around my shoulders. "You've helped me so many times. Just give me the chance to do the same for you, just once."
I can't stand her closeness. And certainly not her soft tone.
"You will never process what happened back then if you don't start facing it," she insists emphatically.
Now she's using psychological tricks? Who does she think she is? "I'm not one of your damn patients," I snap. "I'm perfectly fine."
She scans my body with her eyes. Surely, she notices the trembling in my hands. "Sure. Perfectly fine. Clearly."
The way she's looking at me now, even more pressure weighs on me. She wants me to give in. To bring up everything I've buried deep inside me, memories and pain, and then analyze the pieces together with her.
As if that would help.
Nothing can help me. What happened, happened. With my father and with Josh. I was too foolish to recognize what lay behind their facades in time.
"Friends are there for each other. It's not a one-way street, Maya. Just let me be your support, just once." Elina refuses to give up. Because she feels obliged, nothing more.
That won't lead anywhere. Right now, I just wish she would finally disappear. I have to deal with this on my own, as I always have. "Your lover is waiting." I nod toward the hallway.
Suddenly, I see a suspicious gleam in Elina's eyes. "So that's how much our friendship means to you," she says bitterly. For seconds, she doesn't release me from her gaze. "You'll never change, will you?"
Maybe. I shrug, unable to form a coherent thought. My reaction causes tears to well up in the corners of her eyes. Shaking her head, she bites her lip.
We look at each other. But neither of us says anything. Because there's nothing left to say.
After what feels like an eternity, she makes her way back to her damn happy life. I'm alone. Surrounded by my darkness and plagued by self-blame.
I should have never let Josh get so close to me. From the beginning, I felt it was wrong, yet I didn't fight hard enough against it.
Exhausted, I collapse in the middle of my room onto the laminate floor. I curl up like a cat and cry all the tears that are still inside me.
