She swallows hard. "And one day..." Her voice breaks. She clears her throat, her expression filled with anguish, making me want to hold her tightly in my arms. "One day, you'll drink yourself to death. Your pancreas will be chronically inflamed, and you'll continue drinking. Your kidneys will fail, yet even that won't stop you."
Her lower lip trembles. I can see how difficult it is for her to continue speaking, so I wait.
"And when your organs give up the eternal battle against the liquid poison, you'll turn to your daughter with a face distorted in pain."
Her breathing becomes labored, sweat forming onher forehead. I feel her anguish, and I see fourteen-year-old Maya sitting by her father's deathbed, holding his hand.
"Smile, and the whole world will be yours, you will say. And your daughter will believe you. She will smile at you until you close your eyes for the last time."
That is too much for me. Without further thought, I run toward her. Even though I know I can never take away these painful memories, I want to at least cover her with my warmth. I want to be the bubble she retreats into, to forget for a moment.
The closer I get, the clearer her gaze becomes.
I'm almost there. I open my arms wide. "I'm so sorry, Maya," I whisper hoarsely.
"Just stay away from me, Josh." She looks directly at me and wipes her cheeks harshly. Her fingers tremble, as do the tips of her hair. The vein on her neck stands out.
"I can't do that." I pour all my warmth and emotions for this woman into my words. Then I dare to take a step closer. I reach out my hand, but before I can touch her, she turns away.
"Don't touch me," she hisses, agitated, and stumbles toward the door. Once there, she turns to face me. "It's over. I never want to see you again." Her voice breaks, but she fights against it. "Never. Do you understand?"
"But I..."
She leaves the hotel room already.
"...love you," I whisper very softly even though I know she can no longer hear me.
