Chapter 36
Josh
Three days have passed since our conversation in the garden. Seventy-two hours in which everything is different.
Different and beautiful.
The way we exchange love-filled glances and make the most of every second we have alone to be close to each other feels like the beginning of a new life. We didn't talk about her exam again, but when we traveled to Geneva yesterday, I discovered a biology book in Maya's travel bag.
She will find her way, I'm sure of it.
But can I find mine?
Behind the floor-to-ceiling window of the modernly furnished hotel room, Lake Geneva stretches out, where I will perform in a few hours. Next week, we'll continue to Paris. It will be the last stop before the grand finale of the International Music Awards in Rome. And even though I've found a way to steady my hand, I know what I'm doing is not right.
How will this go on?
I can't rely on drinking before every concert. It's not a sustainable solution, but right now, I have no other choice.
After the award ceremony, I can seek new paths, but I don't have the time for that now.
I pace barefoot on the carpet in front of the designer bed. Feeling the rough fibers grounds me. I need that because I should finally call my mother back. Yesterday, she tried to reach me four times, but I couldn't talk to her. Because she could burst the bubble Maya and I are floating in faster than I'd like.
With a deep sigh, I dial her number.
"Joshua, finally." Her tone tells me she’s been worried.
Instantly, guilt washes over me. "It's been hectic, I'm sorry."
She pauses briefly. "I have great news," she says then.
Curious, I press the phone closer to my ear as I continue pacing around the room. "Tell me."
"You won't believe it, but I did it!" I'm pretty sure she's beaming on the other end of the line. "Not only will I be attending your performance at the award ceremony in Rome, but your father will be there too."
That's truly sensational. "Wow." That is all I can manage to say. Immediately, I feel the tension in my neck muscles.
"Consider it a first step on his part." Her tone is suddenly gentle, yet it sends shivers through me.
"Yes. Good. See you next week," I manage to say before I end the call. Because unlike my mother, I know he's not coming to reconcile with me.
He's coming to witness my failure.
Suddenly, the world around me darkens. Everything crashes down on me. It's as if the countless conflicts, the ignorant silence, and his domineering nature weigh heavily on my shoulders.
Just like the memory of the moment when therelationship between my father and me shattered for good.
"We need to talk,"he says in my mind, and suddenly I'm back there.
In the body of my seventeen-year-old self, I look up at him. He looks at me seriously with his dark eyes. His hand rests heavily on my shoulder. Reluctantly, I lift my fingers from the piano and allow him to guide me into his study. There, he signals for me to sit in the visitor's chair in front of his imposing desk.
"Next year, you will graduate. It's time to talk about your future," he begins. As he paces the room, it feels like a courtroom. "I'll make it brief, Son. You will study law. Then you'll join my law firm. By your mid-thirties, you'll become a partner. Five years later, you'll take over the company."
He sounds like he's delivering a closing argument. I am the accused.
But I know how to defend myself. "I won't do that," I say firmly. We both know that I am utterly unsuitable to be his successor. And not just since today. "Stop imposing your dreams on me. I have my own."
His stern gaze meets me, his eyes narrowing. "Life isn't always about what you want," he says, folding his hands into a triangle. I've seen this gesture before. He believes it makes him stronger, but in reality, it only shows me how weak he truly is. "This family has a reputation to uphold. It's bad enough that your grades are so poor." His devastating look hits me. "I've spoken to the dean. He will ensure that you're admitted to law school regardless."
