Once again, he lifts his eyes. "It's done." The weariness in his gaze disappears. It makes room for something entirely different.
Determination.
He went through with this surgery. He knows that his chances of success were slim from the start. But that never stopped him from believing in a miracle. "I will play again," he says with a strength that overwhelms me.
How does he do it?
I rest my head on his chest. If only I could have some of his strength. If only I could feel what he feels when he thinks about his future. "Why aren't you afraid?" I ask, as that emotion dominates me in situations like this.
Hardly have the words left my mouth when I hear his heart beating even stronger than before. "I am. Always."
Surprised, I look up. Did he actually just admit that he feels the same as me? "Afraid of what?"
"Of not being good enough."
Bull’s-eye. It's as if he puts into words what I have carried inside me for so long. That is what torments me the most. The fear of not being good enough. It controls me, it diminishes me, and it prevents me from even trying. It's what keeps me from pursuing my goals.
But for him, it's something entirely different.
"But you are," I say with conviction. "Just because you never give up."
Suddenly, he appears wide awake. "Just like you."
No. I'm a master at throwing in the towel. Whenever things get tough, I give up.
Hastily, I shake my head.
"You only believe what you want to believe. But I have seen the truth with my own eyes." He tenderly strokes the back of my hand.
What does he mean? I look at him inquisitively as my fingers instinctively intertwine with his.
"Sophia," he says as if that explains everything. He raises his eyebrows. "On your first day at work, you could have run away, and considering how the little girl behaved, no one would have blamed you."
That's true. I stayed. I fought. Without fear and without doubt, I persisted until the silent, sad child with explosive outbursts of anger turned into a laughing, dancing, and singing girl.
My God, he's right!
Warmth fills me. I am filled with hope and feel something I thought I had lost long ago.
Strength.
"I can do this," I murmur absentmindedly. When something is truly important to me, I can fight for it. And even win.
I don't need any further proof. Because at this moment, it becomes clear to me what I need to do next. From now on, I will do everything in my power to make my dream come true. The qualification exam is the first step. Tomorrow, I will register for the next available biology exam. And the salary I earn over the summer will provide a financial cushion for me to complete the required internship in the fall.
Excited, I beam at Josh. I am unable to say anything, but I don't have to.
A loving smile spreads across his face. His fingers release mine and trail to my décolletage. Right where my heart beats with full force, they come to a halt. "You are stronger than you think."
I am. I can overcome any obstacle; I feel it deeply. Even the hurdle between Josh and me no longer seemsso powerful. To trust him and to let myself fall in his presence suddenly feels effortless.
Nothing holds me back anymore.
I lean closer to him and look deep into his eyes. Being so close to him no longer scares me. I no longer want to run away or fight against losing myself in the green of his iris.
Everything within me gives in. The distance between us diminishes. The warmth of his skin surrounds me. We are closer than ever before. But that's not enough. Because his lips are irresistibly drawing mine in. And I can see in his gaze that he feels the same way.
Just a moment ago, my heart pounded so fiercely that I could feel it everywhere. Now, it slows down with the world around us. I don't perceive anything else. Just Josh. And how he looks at me.
I surrender. And let happen what my longing has been begging for so long. I place my lips on his. He returns my kiss, and in that same instant, I float weightlessly. I am in a place where every dream can come true.
