With my teeth clenched, I nod again. Tamika has bought me five more days. In total, twelve days remain until the planned performance in Dublin to get this damn hand under control. It has to work. Because there is no alternative.
I feel the pressure on my shoulders and realize how tight my chest feels. I need to get rid of all this, but it sticks to me like tar. Heavy and black. It pulls me down, whether I want it or not.
"You'll be fine." Tamika's pitying gaze is the last straw. "Compose something so the time isn't completely wasted."
Great. As if it's not difficult at all to pretend that everything is as usual. I massage my temples, but the throbbing headache becomes more intense with each second.
This is unbearable. I just want to leave. As fast as my stiff back allows, I stand and walk inside the house.
"No problem, I'll find my way out," my manager mumbles, but I can't respond anymore. I don't want to see a single person. No one should tell me anything. My entire body screams for the rest the doctor prescribed. I need to be alone. In the music room.
But Jasmin abruptly stops my path. "Josh?"
Whatever she wants will have to wait. "Not now." I raise my arms in defense. Instantly, pain shoots into my neck like a hot flash.
"Should I come back later?" a bright female voice asks.
The answer is yes. Without looking, I drag myself farther.
"It won't take long." Jasmin doesn't seem to want to give up. "Please," she insists.
I stop and turn around. "What?" My harsh tone surprises even me, but I can't help it.
My housekeeper gestures to the right. I follow her hands with my eyes and land on a young woman in an overly long, light blue tulle skirt and a tight white top. With her almost black eyes, she stares at me, aghast.
This is the woman from the toy store.
The one whose dreamy face I saw in my mind while composing.
What does she want here?
"I'd like to introduce you to Maya." Jasmin tries to create a casual atmosphere, but that's the last thing I care about right now. "The nanny," she emphasizes.
She's supposed to be Sophia's nanny? I'm not so sure. Simply putting a doll on a shelf stressed her out.
"Why is she already here? Sophia isn't coming until tomorrow." I sound like a brute, and that's exactly how I feel. But anything is better than having to extend my trembling hand to her.
Maya backs away abruptly. Her face darkens. "I am fluent in German. You can talk directly to me."
I can't form a single clear thought, but my mouth corners twitch upward for a moment. Nevertheless, I need to retreat urgently to stop the throbbing in my head and to relax my muscles. And to get rid of the feeling that my career is like sand, constantly slipping through my fingers, no matter how tightly I clench my fists.
The nanny is not to blame for this. I know that, but I still can't suppress a strained groan. "Hello. I'm Josh," I say. I even try to smile, but it doesn't work. "And you, you're early. Go home and come back tomorrow."
"Tamika said my first day of work would be Julyfirst. So today," she counters as if she wants to be right. "Because Sophia is also coming today."
My head feels like it will explode at any second, but I don't want to snap at her. She doesn't deserve that. "Then Tamika made a mistake," I reply and turn to leave.
But before I can reach the music room, the doorbell rings.
