My God, how I love this melody.
My cue is coming up.
There.
I start playing, pouring everything I have into the piece. My passion for music. And my love for Maya. With her beautiful smile in mind, I feel better. It's as if I'm no longer here. I float, full of lightness and joy. In my imagination, she listens to me. Tears of joy glisten on her cheeks. My fingers glide over the keys, the orchestra increases the tempo, and I follow.
It's wonderful.
Suddenly, it's just me playing.
A frantic clattering is heard. I look around and spot the conductor, pounding the baton on the music stand in frustration. Her gaze is directly on me.
I don't know what's going on here. But despite thefog in my mind, it's clear to me that I must have done something wrong.
"When you change the key, you need to provide a new score," she says angrily, pointing at the sheet music.
But I didn't. This piece was already perfect when I first played it. The key has always been the same. Suddenly, it dawns on me what might have happened. Hectically, I lower my gaze to my hands.
Indeed.
They're not where they're supposed to be. Not even close.
I've been playing the wrong way the entire time. And I didn't even notice!
Words escape me. And all thoughts vanish. Only my father's mocking laughter remains within me.
Grow up, Joshua. Nobody out there is waiting for another pianist who believes his tinkling can change the world, I hear him say in that contemptuous tone he always prefers to use with me.
And at that moment, it becomes clear to me that it's no longer true. I don't want to change the world anymore. Only Maya's world matters now.
I rest my head in my hands. The taste of vomit lingers in my mouth.
"Mr. Friedberg?" The conductor grows impatient. I need to get back on track. But right now, everything is too much for me.
I can't do it anymore.
"Please excuse me," I force out with difficulty. Then I storm off the stage.
