“You used to leave snacks on my desk all the time. And when I lost my cap right before the graduation ceremony, you handed me yours then walked off.”
“I remember that.”
I study his handsome face. The snacks, the cap…and there were other things. Him shoulder checking a jock who kept asking me out even after I said no repeatedly.
I wonder what else he did for me that I didn’t realize. Something comes to mind and I ask, “When my parents were screaming at each other in the school parking lot, it was recorded and shared everywhere. Someone pulled those videos almost overnight. Did you do that?”
He shrugs. “I just asked someone else to do it. It’s not like I did anything.”
Not like he did anything. He did a lot for me. “I know this is coming years after the fact but thank you for looking out for me.” I lean over and kiss him.
“Always will,” he says and kisses me back. Then he tucks me close to his warm body.
He always will? I feel protected and safe, but I can’t lower my guard. The cuts and bruises my heart took taught me that there will always be another blow.
Feelings come and go. My father was the greatest dad in the world. Until he changed. My ex was kind. Until he wasn’t. Love is an illusion.
And that’s why I can’t let Kannen in. He might think being with me is good now, but it won’t stay that way, I’m sure of it.
Tomorrow, I’ll end this.
When I wake the next morning, the sun isn’t up yet. I lie in the stillness, trying to figure out what woke me. Then I see Kannen walking softly toward the bedroom door.
I sit and call his name.
He turns. “I didn’t mean to disturb your sleep. It’s only a little past four, so get some more sleep if you can.”
I pat the side of the bed. “Give me a minute, please.”
Kannen sits and reaches for one of my hands.
I take a breath and force the words out that I don’t really want to say but it’s better to be safe than sorry.” The night we shared was wild and fun. But it can’t mean anything.”
“Can’t?” he asks quietly.
“Doesn’t,” I amend.
“I see.” His gaze searches my face, and I have to look away. He stands. “Alright then.”
As soon as the front door shuts, I scramble up and dress, then hurry to leave the ranch. I drive away clutching the steering wheel, my chest feeling heavy. I refuse to look in the rearview mirror. I’ve got to keep moving forward.
I kept my heart safe and his too. I did the right thing. Love is an illusion. I believe that.
Then why the hell do I feel so miserable?
The thought sticks with me as shower and even later as I eat half a bagel. It’s still lingering when my doorbell rings just after ten.
My sisters stand in the doorway. At this time of day, Sunny should be at the veterinarian practice she owns. Rainee should be at her shop where she makes custom furniture. Tempest is on vacation this week. My heart squeezes. If they’re all three here, something is wrong.
“Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?” Rainee asks.
“My phone died. I plugged it in to charge a few minutes ago.”
“That explains why though I called you repeatedly you didn’t answer,” Tempest adds. “We wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“What is it? Did something happen?” I’m hoping it’s not another public fight between my parents. I thought the divorce would have ended that, but it only got worse.
“Something did happen,” Sunny says while scrolling on her phone. She shows me the screen.
