“Thank you. And Lyam?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Can we really do that Hawaii thing sometime?” I’ve always wanted to go since I was a kid and read an article about the crystal-clear water, white beaches, and fruit ripe for the picking.
He gives me a peck on the cheek before I slide into the passenger seat. “You’ve got it.”
I don’t mention the diamond ring.
But I don’t forget it either.
We’re quiet the rest of the way there. He’s obviously deep in thought, and I’m not sure about what, but I know he’s like this. He gets all broody and serious sometimes, but it’s all good. I don’t mind it. I know it’s his process.
As for me, I like just watching him drive. There’s something incredibly sexy about the way he’s so damnefficientandskilled.He navigates the windy roads, traffic downtown, a detour down a side street. It’s kind of amazing to see how fast we can drive while still being totally safe.
I wonder if when he drives me to the hospital because I’m in the throes of labor he’ll drive like this, or will he let something finally ruffle him a little? The idea amuses me. I smile and look out the window and have completely forgotten my nerves about meeting up with Savannah and Thayer until I see the familiar gate that borders the Gerard family home ahead of us.
I’ve always loved this home. It’s beautiful and majestic without being pompous. I also feel welcome when I come here which has everything to do with his mother, who’s currently standing on the front step waving excitedly at us when we pull up.
“How much have you told her?”
“About what?” he asks as he waves off a uniformed man who looks like he wants to take his keys. As soon as he sees the driver’s Lyam, he backs off with profuse apologies. I stifle a giggle. They all know Lyam likes to drive his own cars.
“About… me.”
I remember how she was back at his house. I remember how she blew me a kiss and found me a doctor. How badly I wanted to talk to her.
“She knows our circumstances have changed. Maman doesn’t like knowing too many details and we honor that.”
Understandable.
“Oh, Cosette, you look lovely!” Avril practically claps her hands. For someone who’s old enough to be my mother, too, I swear she could pass for my sister.
A little bit of my fear dissipates at the honest, warm welcome from her.
I imagine what it would be like coming here with a little baby on my shoulder. A ring on my finger. The Gerard family name?
A part of me wants to run.
Danger, danger!My instincts to run war with my need to be loved and my craving for approval. I want to hide from the authenticity of it all.
I fear that getting close to them will make me too vulnerable. I know this, and yet it doesn’t make it any easier to take that step once again.
A part of me wanted to hide so that I’d have this baby alone. But even then, the thought of that kind of isolation makes me sick to my stomach.
Lyam’s talking to the driver when I reach Avril. She extends her arms for a hug, and I eagerly hug her back.
Tears spring to my eyes when she holds me tightly. I feel her warmth and her acceptance, and I yearn to have the love of a mother like her. My mother did her best, but I was never good enough for her. And my father…
“I’m so glad you two are in a better place,” she whispers. “My sons can be so harsh sometimes, and I can’t talksenseinto them.” She shakes her head. “I know it comes from being loyal, but still.” Rolling her eyes, she lets me go and squeezes my hand. “You know.”
Boy, do I know.
“Ohhh, yes,” I agree, just as a second car pulls up.
I want to tell Avril that I deserved being taken prisoner. I’m still riddled with guilt for what I did, but I’m ashamed to admit it out loud. I don’t know what to say or do but I know that I have to face the next hard thing with courage.
The car that pulled up has a driver, but I suspect it’s Thayer and Savannah.
