Oh, God. A lump rises in my throat and I swallow it down. This isn’t my tragedy but his.
“I don’t do commitments, Savannah. I don’t do relationships.”
It all makes sense. Why he owns a club where he’s in charge but only dabbles in whatever it is he craves. Why he doesn’t have a long-term relationship and likely never has. Why he pushes me away, only to draw me back to him.
He fears that if he loves someone, he will lose them.
My heart squeezes, as I feel my own fears begin to dissipate.
“It’s not that I don’t want this with you,” he says, holding each of my hands in his.
It’s that he wants it so badly and fears losing me.
I matter that much to him.
He’s pushed me away from day one, but I know why now.
Some might say that admitting fear makes him weak. That he’s less of a man. I don’t see it that way, though, not at all. Thayer is honest and transparent. He demands the same from me and has the integrity to hold himself to even higher standards.
“I know why I’m here,” I tell him. “But I’m not leaving. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want this… whateverthisis.”
Holding my hand in his, he kisses each fingertip, one by one. “You don’t want to pretend.”
I shake my head and whisper, “I don’t. I’ve never been… into giving up control.”
He nods. “I understand. Savannah, when a strong, capable, intelligent woman like you submits to a man like me, I feel like I’m on top of the world. It doesn’t make you weak. It takes an act of great strength to submit. It means you trust me.”
That’s why he wants this. That’s why he craves it. Though he fears losing someone he loves, he still wants to know he’s trusted.
And God, I want to do that for him.
“Oh my God, this is amazing.”
His eyes twinkle. Yup. They definitely twinkle.
“It all fits together like pieces to a puzzle. The yin to the yang!”
“Jesus, you’re fucking adorable when you get excited,” he mutters.
I give him a look. “Thayer, let me have my moment. I’m psychoanalyzing you. I’m an armchair—” I look down, “lapshrink.”
“Savannah.”
“All this time, I was thinking I just wasn’t good enough, until these hot little hussies with those ridiculously huge boobs, which are implants by the way,” I explain.
“Savannah,” he repeats, sterner this time and hell do I love when he says my name, “hush now.” I close my mouth. A feeling of calm washes over me when I realize how good it is to have him tell me something, to lean into that. It’s why the command of his voice and his sternness make my heart throb in my chest. Because it’s deeply, deeply erotic.
He pulls me close.“Il n'y a nulle part je préférerais être qu'ici avec toi.”
My heart turns.There is no place I’d rather be than right here with you.
I run my hand along his jaw, feeling the rough stubble along my skin. I lean closer to him. His hands span the small of my back as he pulls me closer to him. I’ve gone through so many emotions just during this conversation, my heart feels as if it’s going to explode.
Thayer Gerard, the sexiest, hottest man I know and master of this club… wantsme.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Thayer
